My New Super Power: Magnetism
So I have developed many super human powers since becoming a mom. I have master the ability to multi task. My kisses have taken on a healing power. My hearing has become ultra sensitive and can immediately detect the pitter patter of little feet. My spit has become a patented house cleaning product and can clean the chocolate (or is that poop) off of a wee munchkin's face.
The other, less convenient, power that I have developed is that of magnetism. Now before you picture me walking around the house attracting everything that is metal. Let me assure that is not the kind of magnetism I am talking about. Nor am I imagining the helpful kind of magnetism which would attract all misplaced toys, clothes, Cheerios, and that one missing sock to me in order to save me the trouble of bending down and picking said items up for the one 1,000,000th (picture Dr. Evil) time.
I am alluding to the form of magnetism which occurs at extremely inconvenient times and only attracts the little people in my house. For instance, the phone rings. I answer it. It is my mother. We begin talking....3,2,1 enter munchkin number 1 who just must tell me something extremely important even though she has felt no need to communicate with me whatsoever in the last 45 minutes. I shoo her away and suddenly munchkin number 2 needs her booty wiped. As I continue my conversation whilst wiping her booty, munchkin #1 resumes tapping me repeatedly and my mom can just not understand why in the world I sound like I am snapping.
Another event which seems to draw my children to me like a moth to a flame is any time I enter the bathroom. Now this could be when I am in the shower and they feel the need to come and stand outside of it, just staring or else wanting me to draw Nemo on the shower door. But most of the time they are pulled to me when I am gracing the porcelain throne. No doubt that is the point in time when it is vitally important for them to play peak-a-boo, show me the latest dance move, read me a book, or even come sit on my lap. Trust me, locking the door will not work. Then you are just going to have to get up off the toilet to unlock the door so that the whining and crying will cease.
The final and most magnetizing event of all is that of ...relations. Have no fear, my husband and I will finally have time to ourselves and I will finally not be too exhausted and the pregame will commence. Now, I assure that at some point in time during the "Game" be it pregame, the main event, or postgame relaxation some little person is going to interrupt. We did get smart and learn to lock the door. We had to after, I am quite sure, we scarred our child for life when she inadvertently witnessed our "wrestling" session. So now we must be super sneaky, super quiet, and super fast or, alas, our twosome will suddenly become an unwelcomed, and quite persistent with the knocking, threesome.
So I have learned to live with my new super power of magnetism. I mean how could I not when it draws such cute little darlings into my arms, even if it is at extremely inconvenient and inappropriate times.