Welcome to the fabulous and sometimes insane life
of a working mother who is trying hard not to
let her whole existence be determined by her
cute little munchkins, yet continues to be drawn
in by the adorable and sometimes annoying tiny people!

Monday, April 27, 2015

The End to a Dream...AKA McDreamy

So after seeing an overloading of spoiler posts all over social media Thursday night and Friday, I was finally able to sit down and watch that which shall for ever be known as "Oh my good lord, Shonda Rhimes!!!! How could you possibly ever do this? I hate you!!! How dare you!!?!?! Worst episode ever!! Even worse than the death of Denny!!" episode of Grey's Anatomy.

While I am still in emotional shock, my sister has gone into crazy, conspiracy, I hate you, Shonda Rhimes mode. She recently went into this mode via text messaging, which I feel the need to share below. Not only because it is hilarious, but also because whereas it is a wee bit insane it is also seriously insightful!

WARNING: Clearly there are spoilers.
WARNING PART 2: I am bleeping out the language.
WARNING PART 3: There is much hate for Shonda Rhimes in these messages, however, we all know we love her even after Denny, George, Lexie, Mark...Jake...Der...its too soon for that.

My sister:
So I've been thinking....
Derek Shepard was loaded, right?  I mean we can rightly assume that the dude was rolling?
You mean loaded as in drunk or loaded as in leaving Meredith with bazillions
My sister:
I mean like the dude was basically a millionaire. Right?
I think we can safely assume these things, yes?


My sister:
Ok. So that being the case and judging from previous instances we know that McDreamy enjoys the finer things in life, yes?  

Exhibit A: pretty sure he got a big fat settlement from a @#%^ing plane crash and now partially owns a hospital along with his wife. 

Exhibit B: This monstrosity 

Exhibit C: He is a dad gum brain surgeon!

Also, I'm fairly certain there was an episode where he, mark and someone else shared a very old, read: very expensive bottle of scotch. 

Ok. So that being the case and judging from previous instances we know that McDreamy enjoys the finer things in life, yes?

Would you agree on all of these points?

What are you getting at?

My sister:
I'm 99.9% sure that he was driving a brand new Porche SUV. 

My sister:
And since we know that Dr. OhWaitIAmFingDeadNow never skimps, we should logically conclude that his ride was loaded. All the bells and whistles?
You mean, like, even though it has all that it is still shocking that the air bag must have been state of the art since it allowed him stay alive for a little while after being slammed into by a semi?

My sister:
Meaning it would have Bluetooth. Which we do, indeed, know was the very case as, at the beginning of the episode he was talking to Amelia and Bailey using this very safety feature
Ergo - no need to dig for his f-ing phone bc it would have come thru the Motha@#$%ing Bluetooth. 

Screw you Shonda!!!  If you're gonna kill him off at least use common sense. 

Oh and speaking of Amelia. Ummmm......you're telling me that Meredith not only neglected to call in his family to say their goodbyes, she denied his sister (who achieves the impossible on a regular basis) the chance at a second opinion?

So either our dear b@#$% of a friend Shonda is pulling a Dallas, or Meredith was performing her own version of a conscious uncoupling. 

This last point is so very true!!! Why wouldn't she have called Amy?

My sister:
My conclusion is that Meredith, unseen to us, had gone thru Derek's phone and discovered the sexts and nudies sent by his "research assistant" and was just laying in wait for an opportunity to strike. Gets off Scott free. No one suspects a thing. She is an extremely gifted surgeon who's mental facilities clearly exceed that of the average, run of the mill black widow. 

Well then...She is dark and twisty.

My sister:
Think about it

My sister:
I haven't watch scandal. And probably never will bc that b@#$% has ruined TV for me. 
I hate her!!!!

My sister:
That and I shot all of the TVs in my house immediately upon the conclusion of Grey's Anatomy 

Scandal was good though

My sister:
I can't handle another sexy man being killed. 
She's such an asshole.

That is all! Nuff said!!! I think she might be a genius!

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Parent of the Year Award...Right Here

So I was just (as in literally 50 minutes ago) reading about the 24 People Who are Really Nailing Parenting on Buzzfeed.com. There were some super, awesome, genius parents like:

And I looked at my husband and said, "We should totally be number 25 for Knowing how to utilize munchkin labor! I mean, we have one cleaning, one cooking Ravioli by the Chef, and one exercising (three year old running back and forth yelling, 'look at me exercising'!" We could even use this picture we have documenting that even nakey munchkins must help clean the pool.

That was when it became apparent that we could also be known as Number 26-Parents Who Completely Understand the Meaning of Karma! For as I was stating what awesome parents we are, a huge crash came from the kitchen where the aforementioned chef had tried to move a huge spigot glass serving picture on a pedestal (which my lazy tired self should have already cleaned from our previous night's sleep over) and accidentally knocked it over while trying to get plates out with which to serve the other two munchkins.

The two gallon pedestal, glass pitcher still half full of pink lemonade shattered exploded into a bazillion pieces in the middle of the kitchen floor, and this mug was niiiiiicccceeeee and made of really thick glass, much like this one....

Alas, I have no picture of ours because it is now in the dust pan, spare random bowl, vacuum cleaner, and  trash can in a bazillion pieces that we have spent the last 45 minutes cleaning up and picking up, and sweeping, and picking up, and vacuuming, and picking up, and mopping, and picking up more.

The moral to this story, before you start patting yourself on the back and readying your picture to send into Buzzfeed.com for People Who are Really Nailing this Whole Parenting thing, you might want to actually do a little parenting and keep in mind...KARMA cause I promise, as much as I preach about Karma to my kids, they are not going to let us forget this one. 

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Disney Diva...Not Part 2

disney diva…not
Part 2
Never Again!
Everyone had a certain order you should go in, which needless to say got very confusing. And given the fact that I have ADHD, I began to get overwhelmed. One thing everyone of them had in common was that you should try your very hardest to make the “Rope Drop” at the beginning of the day and that if you are going to see Anna and Elsa you better head there right off the bat to try to avoid waits. In retrospect, I should have paid attention to the fact that none, I repeat NONE of these people had been to the Magic Kingdom since Elsa and Anna moved there from Epcot at the end of March in 2014, a little over a month before our visit.  

So at 8:05, we exited our car after parking closer than ever before. So close that no tram ride was required. We picked up our tickets from Will Call and boarded the Ferry Boat (the monorail system was not open yet). This was when it started to sprinkle. We were standing at the gates of The Magic Kingdom at 8:40, eagerly awaiting the arrival of Minnie and Mickey on the train to countdown to the opening of the park. We were committed. Of course, we had to be if it was pouring down rain (to the point that my contacts were messing up) and we continued to stand there waiting. Needless to say, the truing never arrived and we never saw the beloved characters my children were so excited to see countdown. Guess they didn’t want to get wet.
This should have been a clue! Stick to what you know. Alas, I plodded on with the plan. We walked down Main Street, not nearly as fast as others due to our party of 5, 3 of them being of short legs, and one of them having knee surgery on Thursday. We went through the castle to enter Fantasyland and ran into a wall of 100-200 people. The entrance to Fantasy Land was blocked by a rope. When it opened there were cast members herding the crowd around the carousel (in a complete circle and into a rope line for meeting Anna and Elsa. (I guess they knew that was what all of these people were going to do.) Apparently, everyone read the blogs. Again this should have been a clue. 

When we got to the front line entrance after being jostled, shoved, heels ran over by strollers, and almost trampled. We saw there were two lines. One for meeting Rapunzel and Cinderella and one for meeting Elsa, Anna, and Aurora. The wait times were side by side: 30 minutes for Rapunzel and Cinderella and 300 minutes for Anna, Elsa, and Aurora. Yeah I know! 300 minutes must be a typo. That’s what we thought too. Someone just messed up. So we continued on. We heard a cast member say, “This is the  longest you will wait every day.” and stupidly we thought he meant that this was the longest we would wait for any attraction. In retrospect (I was in retrospect a lot yesterday, which is a strange place a lot like the room of regret), I now know he meant that in the morning is the longest wait time for seeing Elsa and Anna. Sadly, I did not realize this until we had waited for over an hour and a half and had just gotten to the door to enter the castle and we heard the cast member at the door say that there was another 90 minute wait from there. 
Needless to say, this was not going to happen. We got out of line and hopped into the next door line for Rapunzel and Cinderella, waited 5 minutes, and entered the throne room where the girls got to meet and talk to Cinderella and Rapunzel. 
Notice that we are minus one child. The birthday girl was having nothing to do with this meeting and greeting. This would have been the last straw if we had waited another 90 minutes to see Elsa and Anna, but lucky for her, we did not. 

By the time we left the castle, it was 10:45. By this time we normally would have been almost finished with Fantasyland. My plan had been shaken and I spun around in a stupor of what to do and where to  go. So we just started walking and riding in the order that we came to things. We also tried to use Fast Passes, but that was a completed, befuddled disaster. The new Fast Pass + system is  utterly confusing and even as a cast member stands their at the little Fast Pass+ Kiosk and tries to explain it to you, you just stand there dumbfounded and just nod. We ended up using only 2 Fast Passes for Buzz Lightyear and Space Mountain and that was it. 

With all this, I would still say it was our best trip ever to The Magic Kingdom. The girls had a great time and were in awe of everything especially new Fantasyland. They rarely complained and were constantly talking about how cool  everything was. We saw 5-6 more characters and never waited more than 20 minutes. 

We ate at the Crystal Palace around 3:00 and were rewarded with an all you can eat buffet where we enjoyed delicious food, dessert, and coffee, as well as the ability to charge our very dead phones! Plus the girls got to spend time with Piglet, Pooh, Tigger and Eeyore!

There were absolutely no fits until around 8 that night, when the birthday girl decided that 13 hours in the Magic Kingdom was just too much and proceeded to cry herself to sleep. 

By far the coolest and most magical time was Enchanted Tales with Belle. It was amazing! More to come on this soon, but trust me you do not want to miss it!!!