Poisoning Happiness

I have often wondered is there such a thing as being too happy. I especially think about it when I am feeling exceedingly lucky. Isn't that sad? I let bad thoughts poison my good times.

For instance, life has been good lately. Now I am not saying it is perfect. Children still fight and throw fits and argue with me and each other. My husband and I still get that "Tone" with each other that leads to long silences. But life is dang sure close to being perfect.

Today was my husband's birthday, and it has been a perfect day. We spent it all together eating and playing and hanging out and loving each other. As I watched my children and husband playing outside while I cooked supper and talked to my 9 week old who was throwing me lots of her gummy smiles, I could not help but think how great life is.

Then it started. Thoughts creeping in. Poisoning my happiness with all the thoughts of things that could go wrong. This happens all of the time to me, and my husband has told me over and over again that I have an overactive imagination and to stop being so dramatic, but I can't help it. Thoughts of car crashes, freak accidents, fires, bad people doing bad things all poison my mind. I have actually gotten back out of bed after being tucked in and almost falling a sleep to go kiss my children again because I think "What if?". There are times I sometimes can't even breathe because I am so afraid of what could come and hurt my husband, my children, my perfectly happy life.

Why is that? Is it because I watch the news too much? Is it because I read books where bad things happen and for some reason I just can't let them go? Is it because I watched all those movies that my mom said would rot my brain and they obviously did?  Is it because I see horrible things that happen to others and selfishly pray to God thanking him for it not being me? Is it because I will never understand why bad things happen to good people? Is it because I don't feel like I deserve to be this happy?

Am I the only one who does this? I don't know. But I do know that every morning and every night I praise God for my happiness.I praise Him for loving me enough to save me because there is no way I could have sacrificed any one of my children for a whole bunch of sinners. I praise Him for my loving husband who treats me like a princess while also making me his equal. I praise Him for my girls who sometimes make me want to pull my hair out (especially the one who will not sleep through the night) but amaze me by how much they completely fill up my heart when I didn't think there was any more room. I praise Him for my family who will stand by me no matter how heated the words are we may sometimes exchange. I praise Him for friends who do not ask or expect me to change but accept me for my bluntness, dramaticness, and sometimes inappropriateness.

Most of all, I praise Him for not poisoning my happiness, for keeping those I love safe, and for loving my enough even when I truly don't deserve it.

Go to Sleep!!

When we got to the beach a few days ago, my sister told my husband and I that she wanted to read us a bedtime story. She warned us that it was quite crude, offensive, had much dirty language, and was also very, very true. Later in the week, the book was featured on CNN.com and Samuel L. Jackson was reading the audio book. I can not think of anyone better to do it. As a sleep deprived parent, I found this book absolutely hilarious.

*****Warning:If you are easily offended by bad language, DO NOT WATCH THIS VIDEO!

Instruction Manual Please!!

We are now officially the parents of three little girls. I say officially, because the other day we received our insurance card declaring Alden Randi Hill as part of the Hill family, which is positive seeing as around that same time we received a bill from the hospital for her care, all $926 worth! Luckily the insurance had not been applied yet because at the time she was not "really" part of our family.

Anyway, I was thinking...there is something more imperative than an insurance card that I would like to receive in the mail. How about an instruction manual? Instructions come with everything these days: TV's, blenders, Campbell's soups, heck toothbrushes even have instructions. So why not kids?

It would be extremely helpful. And could go something like this:

Congratulations! You are the proud owner of a new baby girl. Please read the instructions thoroughly before beginning to interact with model #3354. In order to begin, pick model up and cradle in arms remembering to support head. This model enjoys being held upright with belly pressing against your chest. Breast milk may be attempted but eventually she will not like it and you will need to go to formula. You can switch formula all you want but this is a state of the art model and will require the most expensive formula known to man! Please know that this is a particularly finicky model and must be burped every ounce of bottle, not half way through like other models. When sleeping, this model must be propped up, either in a car seat, with towels placed under mattress, or in a Nap Nanny (sold separately). You are one of the lucky owners of a model that does enjoy a pacifier but only if you jiggle it in her mouth just the right way for several minutes. Beware this model is known to have explosive bowel movements and projectile vomit both of which can be washed out of clothes when treated with Zout (also sold separately).

I think that a instruction manual would be quite beneficial and keep many new parents from going completely bonkers and wanting to return (if only figuratively) their model to the store claiming that it is defective. If printing an instruction manual for every model of newborn is not feasible due to the need to conserve paper and therefore save the Earth, then at least they should come out with a tag attached with care instructions much like a t-shirt! At any rate, What to Expect the First Year and Google is not enough, I need an Instruction Manual Please especially geared to my infant!!! Thank you very much. I will be waiting by my driveway for UPS to deliver it.