Welcome to the fabulous and sometimes insane life
of a working mother who is trying hard not to
let her whole existence be determined by her
cute little munchkins, yet continues to be drawn
in by the adorable and sometimes annoying tiny people!

Friday, December 31, 2010

Marriage is a Team Sport

Marriage is a Team Sport

After a recent disagreement which resulted in limited and only necessary talking for a 24 hour period, my husband and I had one of those monumental, relationship changing discussion that resulted from my intense frustration over the inability to get through his male genes which seem to prohibit them (the male species) from comprehending anything that we (the females and without a doubt higher species) are saying. When I had finally had enough of the tension, I started a discussion that pretty much got us no where. We each stayed on our own side and refused to see where the other person was coming from. In other words, in our eyes the situation called for a winner and , therefore, a loser.

 Really??? Should there be a loser in a marriage? Are we really supposed to be keeping score? Are injuries or season lows supposed to side line the whole thing? Or worse send it into retirement? (Not Brett Favre's kind of retirement, but the permanent kind---the Big D.)

After all marriage is a lot like a football team. There are many different aspects of a team. Some of the positions get more recognition than others. Some team members get more playing time than others. Some coaches get to call the plays while others have to make sure the plays are executed correctly. And, yes, some times the team falls short of their goal.

But a team is a team because they work together. The reciever isn't mad when the running back scores the touchdown. The offensive lineman throws himself in front of a defensive lineman to protect the quarterback. The defensive back must save a touchdown from being scored by the other team. They must each do their part. And the team would never stay together if each person was constantly telling the other what they were doing wrong, keeping score on who did what job last, or if they did not support, encourage, and have a common goal.

The same is true of a marriage. There are those who cook, do laundry, work in the yard, mow the grass, bathe children... And most of the times these jobs are shared or split up according to preferences. There are also different stars or people doing certain things (changing diapers, folding clothes, feeding munchkins) in a marriage. But to make a marriage work, one can not keep score of who is doing what and when and why. Both must do their part, be there for their teammate and team, and trust their teammate to be there for them.

Yes, every football team has lows in its season. Just like every marriage has times where one or both people think of quitting, but if you can pull together, both making sure you have the same goal (a loving and successful marriage/family) it can work. It can be healed. It can be awesome. You just have to be ready, because at any point in time you can get knocked down by a linebacker, lose a game, or even have a losing season. Then adjustments must be made and every team member must be willing to do so, which is the point that I was trying to make to my teammate during that extremely long car ride.

So strap on your shoulder pads and jock straps and get ready for a wonderful, awful, amazing, frustrating, and loving roller coaster of a ride.That, in retrospect, is totally worth it. Just never forget, "Marriage is a Team (usually full contact) Sport".

1 comment:

McGillicutty said...

well said Ms. Liz... very well said. It's not a competition and when you hit a rut the only thing to do is armwrestle it out. :)