Welcome to the fabulous and sometimes insane life
of a working mother who is trying hard not to
let her whole existence be determined by her
cute little munchkins, yet continues to be drawn
in by the adorable and sometimes annoying tiny people!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Good Times! Good Times!

This was one of my first posts. I decided to re-post it after my most recent gyno visit. Dr. Novak: This is dedicated to you!


Disclaimer: Not sure if you want to read this if you are a man, but maybe you should so you can see what we women must go through. 

So today was my fabulous appointment with my gyno. You know the one I am talking about. The one where you have taken more time to prune and clip than you did on your wedding night. The one where you actually take the time to paint your toe nails since they will be on display in those oh so lovely stirrups. The one for which you tirelessly shave your stubbled legs (which is now a gymnastic feat what with this ever growing belly)  that may not have been shaved for days upon days, yet as soon as you take your clothes of become immediately stubbled again. The one where you feel like all of your goodies are on display for all of the world to see even if that world is only one person with some scary instruments and thankfully some Vaseline. 

Now this event is not pleasant for any woman, but it is especially not pleasant for a pregnant woman. I mean our bodies are already doing all kinds of crazy and many times disgusting things. And now all of that will happen with someone's face mere inches away from Ground Zero. The thought is paralyzing, and if it is for me I can only imagine what it is like for my Gyno.

But I arrived today ready and willing to have my "area" invaded and my mounds prodded. Part of it was ...I mean, whatcha gonna do? Run away screaming? I think that is frowned upon. Plus, the gown doesn't close in the back and that would lead to a-whole-nother embarrassing experience. The other part was that my midwife is the most fabulously cool chick that has ever existed and makes the whole experience feel like we're at a bar having some drinks and chatting about our lives.

Ahhh....that is how they could improve this whole unpleasantness....offer drinks. I can see it now "Pap Smears and Pina Coladas" or "Scraped with Schnapps". You could even go for "Mammograms and Martinis". I really think someone should run with this. It is GOLD!

Other improvements for any office that performs these extremely uncomfortable procedures:
1. Turn up the heat-hello we are naked!
2. Cloth dressing gowns-not only are they better for the environment, but they are better for my ego, too! Nothing depresses a pregnant woman (or nonpregnant woman) more than putting on a gown only to have it instantly rip in all the wrong places. I get that I have gained weight there is no reason to make it worse. (Now that I am not pregnant any more you would think these lovely paper gowns would fit better. Alas, it does not. In fact, it provides an awesome view of my....ass-ets for anyone who enters the room!)
3. Provide some form of distraction-not elevator music, but a TV on the ceiling or better yet pictures of Edward and Jacob gazing down at me.  Oh how I wish someone would bite me.....wait a minute, that is for another blog.
4. Bikini Waxes- If we are already naked and already extremely exposed and uncomfortable why not throw in a bonus service "Free Wax with Scraping".

All in all in was not that bad of an experience thanks to my super awesome midwife and nurses. I just think that men should have to go through the same thing. Having someone grab your manhood while you cough is not the same at all. Really all I can say is ....Good Times! Good times.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

United for Awesomeness

Liz: My sister and I are almost mirror images of each other. In fact, my husband says we have some "serious issues" because if one of us does something the other one does. She starts to lose weight. I start to lose weight. I start a blog. She starts a blog (although she sits next to me calling BS because I am the one who made her start it and also stating that while she does have over 15 views on her various posts, one could hardly count her a blogger when 13.5 of the views are from our Mother). I get my hair cut. She gets her hair cut. Sometimes these things happen so frequently that we have begun to complete not just each other's sentences but also each other's thoughts.

Leslie: (my husband is currently serving a self-inflicted timeout due to our craziness and need to ignore others when we are together) Ok I'm taking over....the fact is we are pretty much
twins....except for the intervening 4.5 years between us (she is OLDER of course). Frequently one of us will start a conversation and the other will say, "Seriously!!!! That happened the other day" as if the universe is in on the little copycat game we play. So it is quite curious that today a situation illustrating aforementioned events should occur today, this day we celebrate our parents Pseudo-birthday (Their real Date of Birth is the 28th, same day 2 years apart, look it up).

Liz: When we get together some funny things happen, and they usually revolve around our munchkins who are without a doubt cookie cutter copies of us. They had created a "restaurant" and we were their customers. We were handed the menu and a shocker! The following drinks were available: water, coke, and "bear". Now we all know there were no polar nor brown nor black nor grizzlies on that menu. "Bear" was beer! Way to go mothers of the year!

Leslie: ok, at the risk of being terrible - i found it hilarious. And we're walking......we were seated at the Munchkin Diner and after receiving our orders of Cake and soup w/ pancakes and green beans, our table requested ketchup. Our snarky waitress (no relation) provided our entire table with but one packet. A reasonable amount of complaining ensued, complete with talk of never patronizing this establishment EVA again.

Liz: I mean this mess happens all of the time. In fact, just last week I was in the drive-thru of the best fast food restaurant ever, The Chick-Fil-a where I ordered a #1 with fries and a coke, yet I was not permitted any ketchup. Granted, I didn't ask for it, but come on! Why do you have to order ketchup if you are ordering fries? 99.999999999% of the population eat their fries with ... mayonnaise? No! Mustard? No? Ranch dressing? Nooooo! Ketchup! They eat their fries with ketchup! So why must we ask for it?

Leslie: Fools! come on! I will crawl through your drive-thru window McDonald's Style! And here's the kicker: If you should have enough sense to request ketchup even though the wonderful team member neglected to foresee the need even though I just ordered FRIES, guess what folks....you will only receive 1 read it again ONE packet. Honestly its like a baby spoon of ketchup...not even a dollop.

Liz: Once I even had to tag in and out with people while rotating who went to the counter at Wendy's to ask for ketchup because they would only give you 1 packet of ketchup at a time, even though we had a table of 4 all eating fries.

Leslie: You get the point: there are many stupid things that annoy me and telepathically my dear sissy, thereby forcing me to waste time blogging and you to spend your time reading said rants. So you are witness the birth of a tradition: Our Plus 1 Posts.

Liz: Look for it every time we are together and unite for important issues (lack of ketchup), unite for annoying our husbands, UNITE FOR AWESOMENESS!!

Check out my super awesome website.

Zesty Zucchini

We try to be healthy and eat a lot of vegetables in our house. I try to add variety but sometimes that variety just comes from finding different ways to cook the same thing. We like zucchini but sometimes when I cook it like I do yellow squash (in a pan and sauteed with olive oil, a chicken buyon cube, and sprinkled with garlic salt it gets slimy because there is clearly more water in zucchini. So last night I tried something new and I thought I would share it with you (the 3 of you who are reading this blog:my mom, my sister, and ______):).

Zesty Zucchini

Zucchini (amount is up to you)
Garlic salt
Dried Basil (Sure you could do fresh)
Shredded Parmesan cheese

Cut the top and bottom off of zucchini. Slice in half long way. Slice zucchini into about 1/4 inch slices. Place in greased glass baking dish. Sprinkle garlic salt (I like it a lot so I use a lot) and basil. Mix and repeat the sprinkling and mixing. Bake at 375 for 15 minutes. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese and bake another 5 minutes.

Delicious and nutritious!