Welcome to the fabulous and sometimes insane life
of a working mother who is trying hard not to
let her whole existence be determined by her
cute little munchkins, yet continues to be drawn
in by the adorable and sometimes annoying tiny people!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Tomorrow is Another Day

Currently I am "hold up" in my bedroom with the door locked, the lights out, and 2 fans on to drowned out all of the noise. I have left my husband to the wolves or in this case small female munchkins and have tried to run far, far away. Alas, the farthest place I could run was to my bedroom. 

Why, you might ask, are you hiding in your room ready to chastise anyone who might enter your sanctuary? Well because I have been on the edge of a mental break down for a couple of days. I mean, don't we all get there at some point in time. (I can feel you vigorously nodding your head). Yesterday, I literally felt like my chest was caving in. It felt as if there was an elephant sitting on top of it. 

It, of course, could have been that the night before I got less than three hours sleep. Or it could have been that I felt overwhelmed with the task of getting ready for the beach while also getting ready for the maid to come (you know how you have to clean up so that she can clean;). Or it could have been that I am at the end of the summer semester in my Educational Specialist program and everything is suddenly due. But most likely it is because I have not been away from my children in 7 days. 

When I say I have not been away from them, I mean not at all. Even when I sleep they tip toe in to tell me something. Even when I pee they come and stand at the door to talk to me. Even when I hide in the dark stairway with the door shut I can hear them running around the house calling my name until I am almost driven to the point of absolute insanity and yell, "Here I am!!!" leading them right to me. And where is he? At football practice, morning, noon, and night! Do I blame him? Heck no! I envy him, for even though he is at work he gets time outside with grown up people who have grown up conversations!

So when did it occur to me that I had not had one iota of mommy time in 7 days? Well, it was right about the time that my husband's doctor's appointment started. We all went together because we were going to Publix together and anyone who knows me knows that we go to Publix together so that we can split up and use more coupons (another blog later on how my children are forced to act like they don't know the other parent and sibling as we pass on the cereal isle). 

Anyway, there I was. Once again all alone with them and confined to a small space inside the car. And what happens? The blasted DVD player won't work and after trying 4 different DVD's we deem it broken and I deem myself in H-e-l-l. Especially when my 12 week old awakens, apparently hungry but after 2 ounces decides she is not and would much rather spend the time screaming at the top of her lungs!

Thirty minutes into this...torture...insanity....situation she is still crying after I have changed her diaper, tried to feed her, and given her Mylicon all to no avail. And now not only is she crying but the four year old is crying because her "sissy is upset", the seven year old is contemplating dialing 911 or at the very least her daddy, I have pretty much cussed my husband for everything he is worth (even though he doesn't deserve it) via text messaging and am now having an utter breakdown complete with heaving sobs. 

So I do the only thing I can think of...I buckle everyone back in and take off. As soon as I start driving most of the crying stops. All that is left is me. But even I can form a rational thought now. It was at this point when I realized I had not had any time to myself in 7 days. No wonder I was going crazy. Not crazy enough to drive off a bridge or beat my children (which I would never, ever do and think that anyone who does should rot in jail until kingdom come... but could now see how someone could get to that point) but crazy enough to feel like there might be some Zoloft or Lexipro in my future. 

Alas, some quiet time, breathing room, and a little retail therapy has made almost everything better. Plus, the 20 minutes I have been sitting here pouring myself out to people who I know will not judge me but will agree that we have all been there at some point has helped eliminate much of my stress. That and the knowledge that tomorrow is another day:a day that my husband will be home, a day I will start a new prescription :), and a day where I will count my blessings that God has blessed me with the most beautiful and loving (be it sometimes annoying) daughters in the whole world. 


Odum2004 said...

Love your honesty!! I feel this way sometimes with one... so I think you're superwoman for keeping it together with three!!! :)

Samantha said...

I totally respect your honesty! And most mother's feel like that often. I know I easily get overwhelmed with my toddler plus being pregnant makes it even more difficult dealing with her terrible two's. Every one need's their timeout's.. That includes us moms. You're doing a great job from what I see!

Visiting from VoiceBoks community,

Kathy said...

Oh my dear!!! I have been there (5 minutes ago to be exact!!) Whenever people ask me how I do it with my three I very proudly tell them EFFEXOR, or as my sisters call it itfixher!! The lack of sleep, hormones rushing through your body, not one ounce of alone time, the lack of sleep and the lack of sleep would make any human go insane. That moms go on and lovingly take care of there babies anyway just prove that Mom's really should rule the world!! I'm glad your husband will be home tommorow, maybe you could get your nails done, or go for a coffee or anything!!! I'm thinking of you and sending all the best wishes of a quiet peaceful night!! Much love!!

Liz said...

You all make me feel much better. I know the year after having a baby is the hardest. Katie and Samantha get ready! The transition from 1 to 2 was hard. I felt like a worse mother to my oldest even though I felt better about the baby stuff. I will keep up with your blogs to see how it goes!!

Kathy--have I told you lately that I love you!!

Heather said...

Love your honesty! Don't you love having a place where you can express your feelings without fear of judgement? I gotta get back to that before I implode. PS lexapro made me really mean so I've been on wellbutrin and love it.

Kathy said...

Hi dear, I just wanted you to know that in case you were trying to log onto VoiceBoks, the site crashed during the weekend! It still is pretty new and Lexie is working so hard to build it up that this kind of thing is bound to happen. Anyway, I think it's possible you may have been deleted from the site. I know a few ladies were, I think all of last weeks sign ups. I just did not want you to think you were going crazy!!! I could not log on all day yesterday and Lexie had to do something so that I could get on. Also some people "lost" some of their freinds!! Anyway, whenever you get a moment I hope you come back!!! Sending much love to you!!! Hope the weekend went a bit better!!! Sending much love!!!

The Tame Lion said...

I understand, totally.
I'm always here to support you.

HeatherMcBride said...

I think "us moms" all have days when we must have a break. I really love how you shared your feelings, I know exactly how you feel! Hang in there, my 3 are all out of diapers my youngest is 5, it really does get easier..in a sense...keep smiling! :)