These Kids Are Driving Me Crazy

We are on blessed Fall Break. Not along one. Just 4 days (including the weekend). But still, it is so nice to know that we don't have to go to school for a few days.

This is a great thing for so many reasons, including the fact that I just needed a break. But also because I am at the end of my Educational Specialist Degree and my research study is coming to an end, which requires me to do a mountain of work (probably means I need to stop blogging and get started!)

However, Fall Break is something that could cause me to go off of the deep end because These Kids Are Driving Me Crazy! My oldest girls have always gotten along well, almost to the point where I felt a sense of pride when people asked me if they got along. This has not been the case lately.

In fact at this exact moment, they have already been banned from playing 3 different things because all they did was fuss about the music or the crayons or the blocks! I can now hear my 4 year old sitting outside my 7 year old's room crying because "Aubeee won't let me pay wiv her!" And she just yelled, "Bad Girl!" through the door at her! (I am quite sure that showed her!)

They are driving me to the point that I am thinking of running far, far, far away...or at least to the nearest nail salon for a pedicure. How can 2 kids who profess their love for each other all the time be so mean to each other. I know why! Because they have spent entirely too much time together over the last 3 days.

Therefore, I think I will have to change my intro statement from Blessed Fall Break to Dreaded Fall Break because These Kids Are Driving Me Crazy!

Sweet Potatoes for My Sweetie

It has been over 4 years since I have had to think about baby food. I know parenting is like riding a bike, but I do seem to forget things. I guess I should have kept a better record with the first two. Of course at the time, we were knee deep in sleep deprivation, stinky poo poos, and slobbery kisses. So I guess I can understand the lack of record keeping.

Over the last 2 weeks we have started introducing our sweet darling to solid food. She has been eating rice cereal for over a month, but now comes the fun stuff. I could not remember the rules about starting solid food but my doctor said to go ahead and introduce it at 5 months.

Being the researcher that I am, I read everything I could about starting solid food. Of course there were lots of conflicting information but there were also some constants:

1. Start anywhere from 4-6 months.
2. Introduce one new food at a time waiting anywhere from 3-5 days in between to check for a reaction.
3. Stop when they seem full.

So I started cereal at 4 months and others at 5 months beginning with squash (I like the smell of it!). Then I could not decide how long to wait, so I stuck with the rule "3 and Free!" waiting 3 days between each new food. So far she has eaten squash, bananas, and sweet potatoes. The latter being her favorite!

I try to stop when she seems full, but all of the signs they tell you to look for (closing mouth, turning head, loss of interest) just don't seem to be happening. In fact, if you stop feeding her she gets a little peeved. So I am feeding 2 containers: a vegetable and a fruit.

She seems to really like it! She is now eating cereal at breakfast time (something that has caused my husband to have to get up 15 minutes earlier) and 2 things of baby food at supper. Not real sure when to start lunch. Guess I will have to get to Googling!

One things for certain: Sweet Potatoes for My Sweetie sure make for some not so sweet diaper changes!

We Have Created a Monster

I feel like a teenager this morning. No it is not because I have been a little frisky. And no it is not because I woke up after using my new "miracle" wrinkle cream and saw no more wrinkles. It is because I slept until 10:45 this morning!

I rolled over and I could not believe the time. And thanks definitely goes to my hubby who got up with 3 munchkins and let his exhausted wife sleep. I needed it! Why am I so exhausted? Well, other than the normal life of a mother of 3 little girls who teaches full time and who has been sick for like 2 weeks now, I was also up for half the night the last 2 nights.

Why? You may ask. Well because it seems we have created a monster!!! No, I am not referring to my extremely overly dramatic middle child who can throw a temper tantrum along with the best of them. I am speaking about my youngest munchkin. My most (shhhh!) precious munchkin. I am not kidding. She is precious. She is soft and cuddly and loving and sweet. And her smiles, which come so very often, would melt even the meanest person's heart.

She is by far the best baby we have ever had. Well....except for one thing. She still doesn't sleep through the night! She is 4 months old tomorrow and while we don't have to feed her during the night, we still have to go in and put her pacifier in. Sometimes this is once or twice, and sometimes, like Thursday night, it is 7-8 times!

We have known for a long time what we have to do. This ain't our first rodeo! We have to let her cry. It is the only way she will get used to putting herself back to sleep. Every night we say it. But every night I can't bare to do it. I mean she is so little. What if she thinks I am abandoning her? What if something is wrong? What if, God forbid, she stops crying for another reason other than going back to sleep and I don't know?!?!?!?!?

But it had to be done. We have not had a full night's sleep in four months!!! We are struggling! We NEED sleep! So last night we sucked it up and did it. She woke up at 3:45 and started crying. I went in, checked on her, moved her back to the center of the crib (she likes to snuggle next to the bumper pad), and left without putting the pacifier in.

She did not like that! She started screaming at the top of her lungs. I feel certain that if she could speak there would have been some very ugly words coming out of her mouth. After about 10 minutes, she stopped. I went and checked and she was asleep. 10 minutes later she started again. Then went back to sleep. A little while later it started again. So it went for about an hour, when she went to sleep for the last time and slept until 8:15 a.m.

Did it work? Will we finally sleep through a complete night tonight? Only time will tell. But I can tell you what...whereas I would pay $1,000 for a pacifier, we have used one at night one too many times and We Have Created a Monster! But when she smiles up at you and starts talking with her ooohhhsss and aahhhs it makes everything, even having absolutely no sleep, all better!!!

It's Never Okay to Hit...Or Is It

My two oldest girls are alike in so many ways. Their personalities are much more like mine than my husband's. They are dynamically verbal (i.e. won't shut up), dramatic (we are constantly being entertained), and smart (well OF COURSE that came from me;).

However, as alike as they are, they are also extremely different. Aubrey is much more laid back. While Addison thinks the world is going to end just because she doesn't get dessert. Aubrey is the typical first child and eager to please. While Addison's philosophy is "Here I am like it or not"! Aubrey avoids controversy. While Addison creates it. You get the picture (Aubrey is on the left on her knees and Addison is on the right).

With that being said, it is amazing how well they get along. They rarely fight and when they do the punishment of having to be away from each other is almost too much to bare. Although there are times in which I feel the need to call in a referee to blow the whistle and stop the play due to a foul.

Said foul occurred today: an illegal hit! The girls were playing with the big Lego blocks (best buy ever)and they began to argue about how to build the house. When Addison said she wanted to do it a certain way, Aubrey informed her "too bad", which is shocking because Aubrey pretty much does whatever Addison wants. This would be the point when Addison pretty much told her who was boss by slapping her across the face.

Aubrey rushed into the bathroom to tell me, which is indicative of what happens every time I am in the bathroom (see previous post on my super power of magnetism). I called Addison to me and told her it was never okay to hit and that she needed to go sit in time out, at which time she informed me that she had already put herself in time out and had been sitting there when I called her into the bathroom:)

So when I told my husband about the incident he just shook his head. Then he made a shocking proclamation, "Maybe we should just tell Aubrey to hit her back. I mean, she is the bigger sister maybe it is time she stood up for herself. If she would just knock Addison to the ground one good time, maybe Addison would learn her lesson". We thought about it for a moment and then remembered another time when we told Addison to hit back.

They were 2 and 4, and Addison had jerked something away from her sister. When Aubrey grabbed for it, Addison pushed her. Aubrey started crying, and we were so tired of it that we (unwisely now in retrospect) told her to hit her back. Of course she was so scared of hurting her little sister that she barely grazed the other munchkin's arm. That is when Addison drew back and scratched her across the face. As horrible as it was and as we felt, we could not help but giggle behind our hands as we disciplined Addison.

So now here we are again. Tempted to teach one child a lesson by using the other one. The lesson:It is Never Okay to Hit...Or Is It? There could possibly be a time when it is okay. However, given how feisty Addison is and how accurate she is with her left hook, it might definitely be unwise.

It's Inevitable

We started school last Friday. I know! It is early, but on the upside we get out half way through May. I personally like it better because football season has already started and we can't go any where any way and it is so freaking hot I would just rather be indoors. May is such a nicer time to be outside.

Anyway, it's inevitable that at some point in time during the first month of school my household is going to get sick. Usually by the end of the first month I am so hoarse I can barely talk. I mean, how can you not get sick what with all of the germs flying around an elementary school on any given day. So, my oldest started first. On Monday she woke up sneezing and with a runny nose. Gave her some Benedryl...in retrospect probably should not have given her the full dose due to the fact that she was heading to school. Needless to say, she was pretty out of it for the majority of the day. Went and got some Claritin after school.

On Thursday when I picked my tiniest munchkin up from the sitter she informed me that my darling's nose had been running all day and she had a hard time sucking on her bottle. Hmmmm...sounds like an ear infection to me. Of course, that was inevitable too seeing as both of the other girls had tubes before they were 18 months. In fact my middle child was so fraught with ear infections that she had tubes before she was one! Luckily, my mother-in-law was coming to keep her the next day and was able to take her to the doctor...enter first ever round of antibiotics at the rip old age of 14 weeks!

Now if two of your three tiny people are sick it's inevitable that the third is soon to follow. The first indication was when she came into our room at 2:45 this morning saying she couldn't sleep. The second indication was the rasping coughing that ensued this morning. And finally, the 100.6 degree fever that she woke up from her nap with. Seriously!!! Well, I guess it is good it is the weekend.

Now my husband and I just need to wait for our turn. I mean, it's inevitable...right?

Well I'll Be...

Disclaimer: No I am not getting paid to advertise...I wish!!! I use the S-word a lot in this post, but always in meaningful context and since I am an educator and don't want to be fired I am using "spit" in its place!

In the South we have all kinds of funny sayings. For instance, if we say, "Oh, bless her!" We don't really mean, "May God brings his blessings upon her." What we mean is that we have either just insulted her or are about to say something ugly about her. Like, "I swear, she is as dumb as dirt...bless her." Or, "Did y'all know that she walked in on her husband in a scandalous position with the maid? Oh, bless her heart!"

When someone shocks us or bestows upon us a new piece of information you might hear, "Well I'll be", "Is that right?", or "You spittin' me?"

Since having children I have experienced many moments where someone has told me something I had no clue about. In other words, I have said "For real?", "Nawwww", and "No Spit?" lots and lots of times. I thought I would share a few of these monumental discoveries with you just in case you are still in the dark about how we remedy some of our children's ailments.

1. Dove soap will get rid of baby acne. For real? Yes, it will.

Rub a little on the corner of a wash cloth and rub it on your darlings little cheeks. After a few days, it will be gone. If not, then it is probably eczema and you need to go get some Eucerin cream.

2. Tea bags in the diaper will relieve diaper rash. Nawwwww? It will. You put them in dry and when the little one wets the tea bags the chemicals in the urine will release some sort of healing powers in the tea.

3. Vapor rub on the feet is like a miracle. Is that right? Certainly is. For some reason, your feet are more porous than any other part of your body. Therefore, if you rub vapor rub on his little precious feet and then put on socks the vapors will relieve congestion and make them feel as if they are wrapped in a blanket of Vick's magic.

4. A wet paper towel and a plastic cup does wonders for an ear infection. No spit? Yes, spit it does. Wet a paper towel and squeeze it out just so it is not dripping. Then heat it in the microwave for about 30-60 seconds. Fold it up and put it in the bottom of the cup. Hold the open end of the cup to their little ear and the steam will loosen the pressure behind the ear drum.

5. Dandruff shampoo will cure cradle cap. Someone told me this and I literally said, "Your spittin' me?" We have never struggled with cradle cap until recently our third baby. It was scaly, greenish, flaky, and gross. It even smelled bad. Nothing we did worked. We tried fancy lotion, oil, vaseline...nothing worked.

Then my baby sitter said she had heard that if you rubbed dandruff shampoo into the cradle cap like lotion and then leave it on. And presto!!! Within a day it is almost gone.

Do you have anything that would make me say, "Well I'll be..."? Cause I will take all of the advice I can get even if I do accuse you of "spittin' me!"

The Smell of Rain

Its raining outside. Oh how I love the rain! It is so calming, so refreshing, so cleansing. Earlier when I noticed the clouds rolling in, I literally got excited thinking about the possibility of rain. Then when Jim Cantore confirmed our 80% chance I was ecstatic. As I stepped outside to exit yet another poopy diaper wrapped in a grocery bag, I inhaled and was met instantly not by that oh so lovely smell of Nutramagin formula poopy diapers, but by the sweet, delicious smell of rain: the smell of promise and of renewal. 

Can you smell the rain? My oldest munchkin can. She can always tell when it is going to rain just by smelling the air. Maybe she will grow up to be Jim Cantore's assistant.

I wish I could say that my excitement of our impending showers was for unselfish reasons, like, because we really need the rain (which we do). But this was not the case. I was excited because rain meant no football practice which would result in my husband being home. And, more importantly, rain meant a calming and relaxing setting for some good snoozing!

Now if you have read any of my blogs before you should sense the foreboding lurking just behind the door. No literally, it is right behind that door. The one right down the hallway. The one that leads to the room of my 12 or 13 (I forget due to lack of sleep) week old. Because after getting everyone, including the baby, the two other munchkins, and my husband in bed, I tiptoe in to my bedroom, lay down in the bed, read a chapter or two from my book (Heaven is For Real, which is phenominal), snuggle down into the covers, and close my eyes.
Wait for it!


3


2


1

It starts quietly, but it starts nonetheless. The subtle whining of a little one who has been awoken from her slumber that has only been going for less than 30 minutes: the whining that soon blossoms into a full on wail. Reluctantly, I get out of bed and put the paci in  to no avail. She is not having it. So I do what any good wife of a husband who lets her sleep late everyday should do: I shut his door and let him nap to the hypnotizing sound of the rain. While I give up, fix a pot of coffee, and start to blog while waiting to see if she will drift back off, which she does before I am even half way through.





I think she just didn't want her mama to miss one of her favorite things: the smell of rain.

Stupid Rookie Mistake

I know I might sound cocky but I am pretty knowledgeable about many things. Now, of course if you talk to my husband he would say that HE is pretty knowledgeable about many things. These two facts coupled with both of our inherent needs to be right leads to, as I am sure you can imagine, some heated discussions that end usually with me fuming and refusing to speak because inevitably he was, OF COURSE, right!


That being said I AM usually right about anything having to do with pregnancy or babies. Chalk it up to my innate desire to read everything I can on any thing I am going through, which is of course the reason why every time I get sick I automatically Google whatever it is and as a result am convinced that I have cancer, am going blind, or will need an appendage removed. 


Anyway, my point is that I know a lot about the baby stage. Am I saying I am the end all of baby experts? NO!! I mean, if I was I would certainly be marketing my wares and not be stuck teaching school (which I absolutely love if you are reading this and are the parent of one of my children:-) But I do know a lot and am usually the person my friends call for advice about pregnancy and babies


My biggest philosophy is to "Start as You Mean to Go". In other words, whatever you do in the beginning. You better be ready to do it for the long haul, or at least be ready for an extremely rough transition when you decide whatever you did in the beginning is no longer what you want to do. 


For instance, if you want your child to still be in the bed with you when he is 4 then go ahead and cosleep when he is a baby. If you want to be rocking your 6 year old to sleep or having to lay down with her to get her to drift off into dream land, go ahead and rock her to sleep when she is a baby. If you want to have to run into a Minute Store and have to heat up a bottle in their nacho and hot dog encrusted microwave (like we did with our first), start heating up your bottle. Now we just use room temperature water. It was the best advice we ever got! If you want to have a child that is violent and hits other kids on the playground, go ahead and don't get on to him or her the first time they swat at you. Think it is cute or that he or she doesn't know any better, and I promise it will continue to happen. 
*****Disclaimer-if you have done any of these, I am not judging. You have to do what you feel is best for your family. I'm just sayin'.


So why, pray tell, did we not put our baby to sleep in her bed from the beginning! We did it with both of our other two, and they were sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. Why? Well, because we saw an awesome new invention called "The Nappy Nanny". 


It seemed perfect for us since the little one has reflux (of course our other two did also) and it would keep  her upright so her little throat would not burn throughout the night and, therefore, we would all get more sleep. Plus, there were so many testimonials about how great it was and how their children slept for 6-7 hours at a time, and we got sucked in. 


We did not think about what would happen when she started rolling over because that wouldn't happen until around 3-4 months. We did not think about when she started sitting up and what we would do because that wouldn't happen to around 6-7 months. And we certainly did not think about what would happen when she went to daycare at 12 weeks, because they are not allowed to have sleep positioners (they considered Nap Nannies to be such) at daycare. And of course, we did not think about that 6-7 hours really isn't that long when you think of sleeping through the night as sleeping from 9 p.m. to 6 or7 a.m.


So what have we been doing for the last 5 days? Transitioning. Transitioning from The Nap Nanny to the crib. The first day's nap times were "napmares"!! Our child who normally took 2-2 1/2 hour naps refused to nap. I mean, who could blame her? Ripped from the only bed she has ever known to be placed in a strange new place would be very upsetting. So after that we readied ourselves for a night of pure hell and put her down to sleep. 


And sleep she did! That girl snoozed it up until her normal 3 a.m. feeding. The next day the naps were better, not great, but better. However, that next night was a different story. She woke up a couple of times between 1 and 2  and we put her pacifier back in. She then slept until 5:15 and then, thinking we would be pressing our luck, we put the pacifier back in. Amazingly, she slept UNTIL 6:30 in the A.M.!!!! She is 11 weeks old and that was the first time she slept all through the night. 


Since then she has slept to at least 5 each morning. Of course, we have still had to go in and put the pacifier in a few times during the night. But, heck, we'll take what we can get! Plus, she now take 3 2-3 hour naps every day!!!

I am not saying a Nap Nanny is a bad thing, because it's not. It is a phenimonal invention!! One I wish I had thought of that way I would not have to teach (which I love so much if you are one of my student's parents:). But no... we, knowledgeable people that we are, strayed away from all that we know and did not start as we meant to go. Stupid Rookie Mistake...one that could have kept us from 4 weeks worth of sleeping. Stupid Rookie Mistake!!

I Love Coffee

As I sit here at 6:30 a.m. after being awakened at 5:15 by my youngest munchkin, all I can think about is...how much I LOVE coffee!! I mean, seriously! It is the only reason we have made it through the last 11 weeks with our sanity still intact. 



Our other 2 girls slept through the night at 6 weeks. This child...not so much. Of course, they were eating 6-8 oz. bottles by that point, whereas this little one was barely getting to 3. No wonder she was not sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. She was starving!!


So we have two choices: be miserable and sleep deprived (neither one of us do well without sleep) or be happy and sleep deprived. Either way, we are going to be sleep deprived. So what is the solution? How are we able to be happy even though we are getting virtually  no sleep at all and we are getting to that dangerous point in a marriage right after you have a baby when you start competing about who has gotten the least amount of sleep which is a competition that never ends well? The solution...COFFEE!


Coffee-that "Sweet Nectar of Life" to quote some very wise character off of Finding Nemo was the key. A few cups of coffee in the morning does wonders for the sleep deprived. 

Coffee in the morning and a nap do wonders for the body, mind, and soul. Alas, naps don't happen so much in our household. First of all, it is very difficult to get all 3 munchkins down at one time because inevitably someone needs water or the bathroom or a hug. Secondly, there are all kinds of things that beckon you out of your cozy bed...laundry, dishes, cleaning, blessed time alone without someone pulling on you. Lastly, you can almost guarantee that as soon as you get everyone down, complete any imperative task that can not wait, and start to drift off into dreamland you will hear something that starts out as a small whimper and gradually erupts into a full on wail. If you want a way to assure that your child's normal 2 hour nap ends early, lay down for a nap of your own because it is inevitable that as soon as your head hits the pillow and you begin to fall asleep she WILL wake up. 


So what is the answer? Don't do it. Don't nap. Forget all of those people who tell you to sleep when they sleep. That is for the very, very beginning when they sleep all the time and when they get much older and you can guarantee they are not going to wake up and if they do they can find a TV of their own and watch while you sleep. Therefore, the solution is no naps. All you will do is get frustrated and aggravated, which is no way to be with that precious darling who just loves you so much that she wants your attention even when she should be sleeping. 


So what do we do? We become old people. We drink coffee. We drink coffee all day long. At 3 o'clock in the afternoon, our kitchen is full of the deliciously enticing smell of coffee. And as the fabulous, heavenly nectar makes it way down your throat and eliminates your feelings of sleepiness you can't help but think, "Oh, how I love my precious darlings and oh, how I LOVE COFFEE!!!"

Go to Sleep!!

When we got to the beach a few days ago, my sister told my husband and I that she wanted to read us a bedtime story. She warned us that it was quite crude, offensive, had much dirty language, and was also very, very true. Later in the week, the book was featured on CNN.com and Samuel L. Jackson was reading the audio book. I can not think of anyone better to do it. As a sleep deprived parent, I found this book absolutely hilarious.

*****Warning:If you are easily offended by bad language, DO NOT WATCH THIS VIDEO!

Instruction Manual Please!!

We are now officially the parents of three little girls. I say officially, because the other day we received our insurance card declaring Alden Randi Hill as part of the Hill family, which is positive seeing as around that same time we received a bill from the hospital for her care, all $926 worth! Luckily the insurance had not been applied yet because at the time she was not "really" part of our family.

Anyway, I was thinking...there is something more imperative than an insurance card that I would like to receive in the mail. How about an instruction manual? Instructions come with everything these days: TV's, blenders, Campbell's soups, heck toothbrushes even have instructions. So why not kids?

It would be extremely helpful. And could go something like this:

Congratulations! You are the proud owner of a new baby girl. Please read the instructions thoroughly before beginning to interact with model #3354. In order to begin, pick model up and cradle in arms remembering to support head. This model enjoys being held upright with belly pressing against your chest. Breast milk may be attempted but eventually she will not like it and you will need to go to formula. You can switch formula all you want but this is a state of the art model and will require the most expensive formula known to man! Please know that this is a particularly finicky model and must be burped every ounce of bottle, not half way through like other models. When sleeping, this model must be propped up, either in a car seat, with towels placed under mattress, or in a Nap Nanny (sold separately). You are one of the lucky owners of a model that does enjoy a pacifier but only if you jiggle it in her mouth just the right way for several minutes. Beware this model is known to have explosive bowel movements and projectile vomit both of which can be washed out of clothes when treated with Zout (also sold separately).

I think that a instruction manual would be quite beneficial and keep many new parents from going completely bonkers and wanting to return (if only figuratively) their model to the store claiming that it is defective. If printing an instruction manual for every model of newborn is not feasible due to the need to conserve paper and therefore save the Earth, then at least they should come out with a tag attached with care instructions much like a t-shirt! At any rate, What to Expect the First Year and Google is not enough, I need an Instruction Manual Please especially geared to my infant!!! Thank you very much. I will be waiting by my driveway for UPS to deliver it.

Breast May Be Best, But Sanity is Better

So I am now in my 4th week of breast feeding, and it is going pretty well. We have had some difficulty. One, she was not gaining weight initially so I had to feed her every 2 hours for a few days. Which in non-mom terms means pretty much around the clock!


How you might ask? Well...let's say you start feeding at 8 a.m. You will feed for at least 45 minutes to an hour. Then an hour later, you start all over again! Which, to help my little one gain weight, was well worth the sacrifice of sleep and any time to myself as well as any feeling in my nipples!!


Second, it appeared I still did not satisfy her. Which is quite odd, because when I pump it results in enough milk to feed a small African nation. But who knows? I mean, I am not a breast milk connoisseur. Perhaps, my variety was not from a good year and is not quite quenching or filling enough. Perhaps it needs to ferment a little more. So we started giving her 2 ounces of formula after every feeding resulting in not only having to heal nipples but also having to put them in the dishwasher.

Third, those explosive breast milk poopies are now hurting my darling's bottom. This happened with my second child. It appears that my milk is somewhat acidic and seeing as breast fed babies have extremely liquid poops the liquid tends to eat at that precious, tender, and soft skinned booty. Seriously, her diaper rash went from nonexistent to bleeding. We have special cream and all (our pharmasist has super powers), but as long as I am breast feeding it is not going to get any better. This is why I stopped breast feeding my second child after a month and within 2 days her bottom was good again.

So I have made the decision to give up breast feeding. Now, I must admit that besides all of the reasons I have stated above the most important (and perhaps selfish) reason is that I just do not enjoy breast feeding. Yes, I know it is the best. It is better for her. And I know it is good for me...best diet ever seeing as I have lost over 25 pounds in 3 weeks. I know it is supposed to be all wonderful and all, but for me it is not.

I don't like being the only one to be able to feed her. I don't do good on little or no sleep (best thing I have done so far is let my husband take over the middle of the night feeding). I don't like the time it takes away from my other munchkins. At least, if I am doing a bottle someone else can do it and I can go read a book with the girls or help them with their homework. I don't like having to hide in a backroom or in the car when we are out while keeping a watch out for perverts in other cars. I  hate that I feel like a cow and that I can't get out of the shower with out getting milk every where. And I honestly don't feel all that comfortable doing it. I despise the let down feeling...it makes me feel....I don't know...weird!

I don't need to be bombarded with comments and e-mails about how wonderful it is and it gets better after the first couple of months! This is my third child, and I know how good breast milk is. I have a freaking education and I read like there is no tomorrow. I am even considered by some to be the utmost authority on all things pregnancy and baby. I have seen similar posts from people declaring that hate breastfeeding only to be harrassed by seemingly helpful mothers who are encouraging them not to give up and that it will get better and to do it for their baby.  One thing I know is that you can't be a good mother if you are losing your mind. So if you are from the La Leche League BACK OFF! There are just many geniuses out there that were formula fed as there are that were breast fed. And my oldest got breast milk longer than any of my kids and was the sickest of all for the first 5 years of her life!

So my conlusion is...where as I know that the breast is best, I also know that my sanity is better. Not just for me, but for my 3 girls and my husband (who had started to look at me with that "Oh My Gosh! When is it coming...When is she going to totally lose it?" look.

There I feel better now!

To Brag or Not to Brag: That is the question!

I was recently conflicted as a parent. What had happened was...


My oldest child got several awards at her end of the year program. She scored perfect on her first grade "End of the Year" math test. She had the highest A.R. points in all of first grade, and she got a trophy for making "All A" Honor Roll for the entire year. She was so excited! She came back to her seat with her smile shining brightly and showing her medals and trophy to her friends. 



Without a doubt I was bursting with pride, yet I found myself holding back. I didn't want anyone to think...I am not really sure what I was afraid of. Was it jealousy? Or people thinking we were bragging? I don't know.


I even caught myself telling her, as she turned to show off her prizes to her friends, not to brag. I mean I, personally, know what it is like not to get something when a friend does and to be upset. But she wasn't showing them her awards to make them feel bad, she was just happy and wanted to share the good news with her friends.


Even as we sat in the auditorium, I watched as parents around me uploaded pictures of their children and their awards to Facebook. When I got home that day and over the next few days, I watched as everyone I knew posted how proud they were of their children and their end or the year accomplishments, yet I held back. 


I wonder if it comes from being so competitive with even my closest friends in high school, or if it is because I have naturally found myself feeling jealous before and didn't want someone else to feel that, or maybe it was because I have, guiltily, felt disappointed when my child didn't get something that I know she really wanted. But most likely it was because I didn't want someone to think that I was bragging or boasting and for them to say something snide. 


Why? I don't know. I mean I do not think bad of anyone for posting great things about their children. In fact, I am happy for them, as friends should be for each other.We should be shouting it to the mountain top when our children do awesome things, and we should be thrilled that our friends' children are accomplishing amazing things. We should be spreading the news like wild fire. 


I mean think about...if the situation was reversed and someone's kid had gotten in a wreck, or arrested, or heaven forbid pregnant, that news would spread like wild fire. So I say it shouldn't be a question of whether  to brag or not to brag about the great things our kids accomplish. We should shout it to the mountain tops. We should celebrate with each other! And yes, we should brag!!

Blissful Forgetfulness

Blissful Forgetfulness


Let me be clear: I love my newborn. She is precious and delicious. I would not trade this experience for the world no matter how hard it is in the beginning. 

That being said there are some important parts of having a newborn that I had blissfully forgotten. I say blissfully because I am pretty sure the first 6-8 weeks of having a newborn is not something that appeals to anyone. There are lots of things that I had forgotten so I thought I would make a list of some for all those who are thinking of becoming parents or are already on their way. 


1. You will never sleep again. I am not joking nor am I exaggerating. You are literally not going to sleep at least until he or she starts sleeping through the night, and who knows when that might be. There are times when my four year old doesn't sleep through the night. Even if he/she starts sleeping for stretches of 4 hours at a time this is really misleading. What it means is that you will feed her for 30-60 minutes of those four hours. Then you will spend 10-20 minutes praying that she will go back to sleep, and then you will spend 30-60 minutes trying to actually get back to sleep. Then you will be jerked awake by every little noise he or she makes afraid that they are waking again. So that 4 hour stretch really is only the equivalent of an hour and a half or so. 


2. You will become obsessed with pee and poop. You will keep track of every wet and messy diaper your child has. It will even become part of your daily conversation! "Bo and Hope might be getting back together on Days of Our Lives. Oh and my kid had 6 poopies today!" Why are we obsessed? It is the only thing that indicates that she is getting enough to eat. It will even become normal to discuss how the poopies look..."black as tar, yellow and seedy, slightly green..." Also, (note to self) beware of explosive poopies, especially when you are changing the diaper. You must move quickly!!


3. You will feel like a worse parent. I am not sure if this happens to everyone or if it is just me, but the first time I had a child I felt like a complete and utter failure. I was unsure about everything I did and did not trust myself or my judgement at all. I felt like I was horrible at this parenting thing. When I had my second child, I felt much more confident about the baby stuff but felt like I was a horrible parent to my other child. I was so tired and all she wanted was my attention and I had none to give her. I spent most of the time feeling guilty. 


4. You will feel like you are going completely insane. First of all you will cry a lot...for no reason at all. The water works could start at any point in time. During a commercial, when someone asks you what you want to eat, when your husband asks you a seemingly innocent question like, "do we have any coffee?" You might even feel insane because as your sweet baby continues to cry inconsolably even after being changed, fed, and rocked you think "what is this creature?!?!? And what does it want?!?!?" Have no fear! The best piece of advice I was ever given was from my husband's aunt when she walked into the room and I was crying uncontrollably along side my newborn . She looked at me sympathetically and made an AWESOME proclamation, "It is perfectly natural to want to punt your newborn out the window, as long as you don't do it!" What she gave to me that day was the permission to feel frustrated with this bundle that I was supposed to be all lovey dovey over without feeling guilty.


5. How unbelievably AMAZING this new creature is! I mean you made her or him. He or she came out of you. Just a few days ago they were kicking you from the inside and now she is in your arms. She knows your voice already and will love to cuddle into your neck, which is the sweetest feeling ever!

So yes you do blissfully forget how hard it is to have a newborn. You forget the first 6-8 weeks can sometimes be described as He#$. What you don't forget is how wonderful this new addition is and how amazing she will make your lives. This is the knowledge that will sustain you on those long nights of no sleep...that and caffine;)

At Our Wits End

There is no doubt that I was spoiled by my first child. Now, the first year was hard. She was never happy. I mean we even had to eat in shifts because she did not like to sit down. However, after that I must admit that she has been an easy going and enjoyable child for 99% of the time. 

My second has been the exact opposite. The first year was great and then she turned one and all hell broke lose. Everything came in extremes. She is extremely hyper or extremely happy or extremely loving or extremely mad. The worst, however, is when she is extremely sad. 


Now let me be clear this sadness is not due to some sort of manic depressive disorder. Nor is it due to some sudden loss of a binkie or beloved toy. There is actually no predicting what will bring on the tears. It could be that she doesn't want to go to bed or doesn't want to brush her teeth or is told no about something or sometimes there is absolutely no reason at all. 


For example, today we got home and I told the girls to go wash their hands while I made them a snack. The next thing I know she has flung herself on the floor of the hallway and the tears have begun to flow. Why you might ask or I might want to scream as I fall to my knees throwing my fists up in surrender? I don't know. Maybe she wasn't hungry. Maybe she liked grimy hands. Maybe she was tired and thought the floor would be a soft place to lie down and found it was not. 



Whatever the reason, the crying continued behind closed door (she chose to seclude herself in her room) until I went in 20 minutes later to offer a snack and for some reason it stopped. This is not always the case. We have tried everything! We have timed out, taken away things, rewarded her for good behavior, praised her, spanked her, tried hard to avoid all triggers like land mines laying in wait of destruction of the peace of our household. NOTHING WORKS! We have had 2 hour long crying fits! 


Today I even created a chart with her help. We chose all the things we wanted her to do without whining and crying. I even searched for over 30 minutes for pictures of the Disney Princesses sleeping, getting dressed, and even brushing their hair. She gets a smiley face every time she does something without whining or crying. However, at bedtime she lied about going to the bathroom and did not get a smiley face. Once again, all hell breaks lose. 


We tried everything to calm her down. We hugged her. We threatened her. We took things away. We pointed out that she could still get another smiley. Alas, nothing worked. Eventually, I lost it and started my hyperventilating hormonal crying, which seriously frightened my husband who is trying very hard to keep me from going into preterm labor. He took her outside to calm her down, which made her even louder, and we are still amazed that DFACS was not called as it sound like she was being seriously hurt even though no one was touching her. 


Now, in the calm after the storm, I have searched many sites about what to do. There are all of these suggestions about what to do to prevent tantrums. None of which are helpful to us seeing as we are already doing them all. There are all kinds of suggestions about what to do during a tantrum. None of which help us because we have tried them all to no avail! 


Now the real problem. Yes, she seems to be at her wits end, but now so are we! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!! This will be a really bad problem to still have in 8 weeks when we have crying baby to add to the mix. 

What's in a Name?

What's in a Name

So I am 32 weeks pregnant!! Which is great, although I feel a little apprehensive because it was at 32 weeks when I went in to preterm labor with my second darling. We have the nursery ready and all of the 0-3 month clothes have been washed. Speaking of that why do you think that you can put clothes into a box completely clean and after a couple of years in the attic they come out stained? Its like there is some little, mischievous leprechaun up there peeing on everything:)We had to throw away so much! 


Anyway, we have the nursery ready. We have the clothes washed and put away. Last weekend, we bought anything we were lacking, like a Pack-n-Play because the last one met an unfortunate end after my 30 birthday party when someone..... tried to take it down quickly and then really "took it down" like a Bambi's mother on doe day! We have diapers and wipes. What we don't have is a name!


Naming is getting quite ridiculous. It becomes a Facebook epidemic every time I post something complete with multitudes of comments and suggestions that even seem to leak onto other people's walls. It was so funny to me how one time I went to comment on one of my dear friend's walls and found a whole discussion about this little girl's name. I am so lucky to have so many people who care:)


However, that does not solve the problem that the only name this kid has is Lady A. Yes, her name must start with an A. We have an Aubrey and an Addison and multitudes upon multitudes of monogrammed clothing. Anyone who knows us realizes that we are way too cheap, I mean thrifty;) to let those clothes go to waste. 


We have tried Adalyn, Abree, Alivia, Aniston, Archer, Ansley, Alli, Alaina, Alana, Amberly, Analeise...and countless others including Axel Rose;) However, we cannot agree on any. Every time we come close one of us, usually me, changes their mind.  


It is no surprise this is happening. It was very difficult to name our first 2. We actually found the name Aubrey in the boy's section of the name book, and it took forever to come up with Addison (and Brian still pouts about her being name for an adulterous ho on Grey's Anatomy;)'. 


I would like to blame it on Brian whose number one response to name suggestions is " H- No!", but I must admit I am just as picky. I mean "What's in a Name"?...EVERYTHING!! Alas, it looks like we might be in the hospital naming this kid unless we just decide to predetermine her future as a pop star or a duchess and leave her name as Lady A!

The Clothing Wars Begin

      

   The Clothing Wars Begin

     I remember fighting with my sister about clothes from the time she finally hit middle school and I could fit into her clothes and, likewise, she could fit into mine. This was the starting point for epic wars in our household. I am not sure we ever fought about anything, as much as we fought about clothes. If only we had worked out and abided by some sort of treaty, i.e. asking before you wear or you can wear everything except for this section. Then I think our whole family could have been spared the destruction that followed after someone was discovered wearing another someone's favorite shirt. 
       I mean think of the benefits for all, including the money strapped parents, when you had not one wardrobe to choose from but two or further down the road in our house 3 wardrobes (unless this munchkin comes out with something swinging between its legs;)
      Because I was blessed with a sister, and I do consider it a blessing now because there is nothing like the relationship that I have with her, I understand the clothing wars. I just thought we had a little more time before they were declared in our household. I mean really who ever heard of a 3 year old and 6 year old fighting over clothes. You don't even wear the same size people!!!
      So this morning when my youngest brought in a sweater that was accidentally hung in the wrong closet by my dear sweet hubby who does all the laundry I drew from my past experience and sensed a storm brewing. She wanted to know why she didn't have a "boootifull" sweater like that. We told her that she would one day and to please go hang it in her sisters closet. And so the drama ensued...
      She stomped her cute little self down the hallway and was quiet for sometime, which as any good mother knows is not always a good thing. Soon we began to hear some sort of singing coming from the back. At first, it wasn't loud enough or significant enough for us to pay attention to. But as it went on, we realized, with a laugh, that it wasn't singing but chanting. Chanting that was coming from inside the oldest munchkin's closet. Chanting of the same line over and over again. The line that we did not think we would hear for at least another 10 years:
                    Aubeee's got more bootiful clothes.
                    Aubeee's got more bootiful clothes.
                    Aubeee's got more bootiful clothes.
And so the clothing wars begin at the Hill house!

Dirty, Dirty Mind

Dirty, Dirty Mind

Okay, I am the first to admit that my mind can quickly tumble into that dirty, dirty gutter. If you know me, I can hear you saying "Nooooo!" with that sarcastic tone. But have no fear, if someone says something that could remotely be taken with a dirty innuendo I am totally going to get it and probably be snickering in the corner. I can't help it. It is a gift, if you will. I know it is immature. I know it is silly. I know it is juvenile, but I don't care. I would rather have a dirty mind and find the humor in life than be a mean, old, humorless bitty!

So begins story time at our house tonight. The title of the book my 6 year old is reading to the family is "The Owl and The Pussy Cat". As she reads it, I smile slightly and notice that my husband perks up from behind his computer. Then she, and her sweet innocence, asks if we know what a pussy cat is. My husband pipes in, "I sure do!" And I quickly cover with, "A kitty cat." 


And so the story commences. I must admit, I did not listen to most of it. Though every so often I would hear "Pussy-cat" and would see my husband's mouth turn up. (I know! We are horrible!) 


The next thing I know she turns the page and begins reading:

  The Owl looked up to the stars above,

    And sang to a small guitar,

'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,

      What a beautiful Pussy you are,

          You are,

          You are!

What a beautiful Pussy you are!'

Now you know that however offensive you find this particular blog, you are now giggling right along with us. You know you couldn't help it. I mean seriously who writes these things. I know good and well there was offensive language back in the day. Maybe not that particular word but still. I'm just sayin'.

Needless to say, we were unable to contain ourselves and had a great laugh all the whilst trying to cover by acting like we were laughing at how cute she was  singing the song! I know, I know! I have a dirty. dirty mind. But you know what they say, the couple that laughs together, stays together. At least I think they say something like that;)

Apparently Break=Sickness

Apparently Break=Sickness

One of the major advantages to being a teacher...okay... one of the major reasons for being a teacher are the breaks. Fall, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Winter, Spring, and most importantly Summer! I know you all want to think that we do it all for the kids, and I guess deep down I would have to admit that we do. However, on those days when Dontavious has driven us to the point of quitting and going to say "Welcome to Wal-Mart" the thoughts of those luxurious weeks of vacation make everything ALL better... or at least bearable!


This year however the vacation gods appear to be against us. Over Fall Break, the smallest munchkin was sick with an ear infection. Not fun at all. Pitiful little munchkin makes ones heart break! 


On the first day of Thanksgiving break, I suddenly felt as if my uterus was going to fall out. The pain was atrocious and excruciating! I knew I was not going into labor because the pain was not making my stomach get hard, but I could definitely see where a first timer could think they were going into labor. OMG the pain was horrible! Alas, no need for labor and delivery. It was just a very bad bladder infection. A bladder infection that took half of the break for me to get over. I spent most of it in pain on the couch getting absolutely nothing accomplished and unable to enjoy much of anything. 


Now it is Christmas break. "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year". Well, not for the Hill family. On the first day of the break, we head to Valdosta for Christmas with my mom's side of the family. Munchkin #1 was fine except for an earlier complaint of a headache, however, on the way she turned very pale and upon arrival in my cousin's pristine kitchen she proceed to throw up not once but twice, showering herself, my husband, my sister, and my father with green beans and other varieties of partially digested food. (Oh you think the description is gross. Well, you should have been there, seen it, and then have every mother in the room look accusingly at you!!!). Afterwards, she just seemed tired. Later she ran a little fever, but woke up the next morning fine! 


Alas, all was not as it seemed. The next afternoon the fever returned, but after Tylenol she was fine again or so it seemed. We went over to sister in law's house for dinner (before you look accusingly at me, she knew that munchkin did not feel well and told us to come anyway). After eating, munchkin fell asleep and when she woke up she was on fire! Not just warm, I mean on FIRE! 103.7!!! So off we are today to the doctor and I am sure we are in store for a flu test since it appears there has been an out break. Why oh why have we not gotten flu shots yet????? Well, Brian went and got his! (hmmm just like a man to take care of himself;).


So the moral of my story is that I am not making any big plans for Winter or Spring breaks because in the Hill household Apparently Break=Sickness!

My New Super Power: Magnetism

My New Super Power: Magnetism

So I have developed many super human powers since becoming a mom. I have master the ability to multi task. My kisses have taken on a healing power. My hearing has become ultra sensitive and can immediately detect the pitter patter of little feet. My spit has become a patented house cleaning product and can clean the chocolate (or is that poop) off of a wee munchkin's face. 

The other, less convenient, power that I have developed is that of magnetism. Now before you picture me walking around the house attracting everything that is metal. Let me assure that is not the kind of magnetism I am talking about. Nor am I imagining the helpful kind of magnetism which would attract all misplaced toys, clothes, Cheerios, and that one missing sock to me in order to save me the trouble of bending down and picking said items up for the one 1,000,000th (picture Dr. Evil) time. 

I am alluding to the form of magnetism which occurs at extremely inconvenient times and only attracts the little people in my house. For instance, the phone rings. I answer it. It is my mother. We begin talking....3,2,1 enter munchkin number 1 who just must tell me something extremely important even though she has felt no need to communicate with me whatsoever in the last 45 minutes. I shoo her away and suddenly munchkin number 2 needs her booty wiped. As I continue my conversation whilst wiping her booty, munchkin #1 resumes tapping me repeatedly and my mom can just not understand why in the world I sound like I am snapping.

Another event which seems to draw my children to me like a moth to a flame is any time I enter the bathroom. Now this could be when I am in the shower and they feel the need to come and stand outside of it, just staring or else wanting me to draw Nemo on the shower door. But most of the time they are pulled to me when I am gracing the porcelain throne. No doubt that is the point in time when it is vitally important for them to play peak-a-boo, show me the latest dance move, read me a book, or even come sit on my lap. Trust me, locking the door will not work. Then you are just going to have to get up off the toilet to unlock the door so that the whining and crying will cease. 

The final and most magnetizing event of all is that of ...relations. Have no fear, my husband and I will finally have time to ourselves and I will finally not be too exhausted and the pregame will commence. Now, I assure that at some point in time during the "Game" be it pregame, the main event, or postgame relaxation some little person is going to interrupt. We did get smart and learn to lock the door. We had to after, I am quite sure, we scarred our child for life when she inadvertently witnessed our "wrestling" session. So now we must be super sneaky, super quiet, and super fast or, alas, our twosome will suddenly become an unwelcomed, and quite persistent with the knocking, threesome.

So I have learned to live with my new super power of magnetism. I mean how could I not when it draws such cute little darlings into my arms, even if it is at extremely inconvenient and inappropriate times.