Anyway, I was thinking...there is something more imperative than an insurance card that I would like to receive in the mail. How about an instruction manual? Instructions come with everything these days: TV's, blenders, Campbell's soups, heck toothbrushes even have instructions. So why not kids?
It would be extremely helpful. And could go something like this:
Congratulations! You are the proud owner of a new baby girl. Please read the instructions thoroughly before beginning to interact with model #3354. In order to begin, pick model up and cradle in arms remembering to support head. This model enjoys being held upright with belly pressing against your chest. Breast milk may be attempted but eventually she will not like it and you will need to go to formula. You can switch formula all you want but this is a state of the art model and will require the most expensive formula known to man! Please know that this is a particularly finicky model and must be burped every ounce of bottle, not half way through like other models. When sleeping, this model must be propped up, either in a car seat, with towels placed under mattress, or in a Nap Nanny (sold separately). You are one of the lucky owners of a model that does enjoy a pacifier but only if you jiggle it in her mouth just the right way for several minutes. Beware this model is known to have explosive bowel movements and projectile vomit both of which can be washed out of clothes when treated with Zout (also sold separately).
I think that a instruction manual would be quite beneficial and keep many new parents from going completely bonkers and wanting to return (if only figuratively) their model to the store claiming that it is defective. If printing an instruction manual for every model of newborn is not feasible due to the need to conserve paper and therefore save the Earth, then at least they should come out with a tag attached with care instructions much like a t-shirt! At any rate, What to Expect the First Year and Google is not enough, I need an Instruction Manual Please especially geared to my infant!!! Thank you very much. I will be waiting by my driveway for UPS to deliver it.