Welcome to the fabulous and sometimes insane life
of a working mother who is trying hard not to
let her whole existence be determined by her
cute little munchkins, yet continues to be drawn
in by the adorable and sometimes annoying tiny people!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Instruction Manual Please!!

We are now officially the parents of three little girls. I say officially, because the other day we received our insurance card declaring Alden Randi Hill as part of the Hill family, which is positive seeing as around that same time we received a bill from the hospital for her care, all $926 worth! Luckily the insurance had not been applied yet because at the time she was not "really" part of our family.

Anyway, I was thinking...there is something more imperative than an insurance card that I would like to receive in the mail. How about an instruction manual? Instructions come with everything these days: TV's, blenders, Campbell's soups, heck toothbrushes even have instructions. So why not kids?

It would be extremely helpful. And could go something like this:

Congratulations! You are the proud owner of a new baby girl. Please read the instructions thoroughly before beginning to interact with model #3354. In order to begin, pick model up and cradle in arms remembering to support head. This model enjoys being held upright with belly pressing against your chest. Breast milk may be attempted but eventually she will not like it and you will need to go to formula. You can switch formula all you want but this is a state of the art model and will require the most expensive formula known to man! Please know that this is a particularly finicky model and must be burped every ounce of bottle, not half way through like other models. When sleeping, this model must be propped up, either in a car seat, with towels placed under mattress, or in a Nap Nanny (sold separately). You are one of the lucky owners of a model that does enjoy a pacifier but only if you jiggle it in her mouth just the right way for several minutes. Beware this model is known to have explosive bowel movements and projectile vomit both of which can be washed out of clothes when treated with Zout (also sold separately).

I think that a instruction manual would be quite beneficial and keep many new parents from going completely bonkers and wanting to return (if only figuratively) their model to the store claiming that it is defective. If printing an instruction manual for every model of newborn is not feasible due to the need to conserve paper and therefore save the Earth, then at least they should come out with a tag attached with care instructions much like a t-shirt! At any rate, What to Expect the First Year and Google is not enough, I need an Instruction Manual Please especially geared to my infant!!! Thank you very much. I will be waiting by my driveway for UPS to deliver it.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Stupid Extreme Couponing



I am not sure whether you know this or not but I am really into couponing. When I say me, I mean our whole family. My children are trained to look for coupons everywhere: in their cereal boxes, on a wrapper, and especially at the store where they will bowl old ladies over to pull the coupons from the Blinkies. And my husband is surpassing me on deal finding and coupon combining. 


A friend and I are even writing a book about couponing secrets. Of course the book is on hold because, like anything else, we got all pumped about it last year and then other things came up like school, munchkins, college classes, a new business venture, a new baby...basically...LIFE. 


Anyway, when I saw the new show on TLC called Extreme Couponing, I was excited. I could not wait to see how other people did it and learn from "the pros" how to capitalize on my savings. However, after watching the first episode where that woman bought 75 mustards I had a strong sense of dark foreboding. Not only was the show letting everyone in on the secrets (a good thing) it was also showing stores how much money they could be potentially losing (not a good thing). I mean that lady had a total of around $675 and after coupons only paid around $6.





What has now resulted is a total "revamp" of most stores coupon policies...BLAST YOU EXTREME COUPONING.


Let me give you an example. At Publix a box of Cheerios is $4.00. If there is a Buy One Get One deal (a.k.a. BOGO) deal, you can get 2 boxes of Cheerios at $2 each. Then lets say you have a coupon for $1 off of 2. That takes the total for each box down to $1.50. Then you have a Target, Harveys, Dollar General, Family Dollar, Walgreens, Food Lion, Rite Aid or CVS (all of these competitors' coupons were accepted at our Publix) coupon for $1 off one box of Cheerios. You can use 2 of those coupons because the BOGO is considered 2 items. So that brings the total down to $.50 a box. Wow!


However, now with this atrocity which is EXTREME COUPONING, our Publix only accepts Harveys coupons. They do not consider any of the other stores competitors even though they sell the same items. Now I know that looks like only a $2 loss, but if you by 18 boxes of cereal, like I did yesterday, the new policy costs you a savings of $36. That is a huge chunk! 


I mean really Publix! You netted 1.3 billion dollars last year (according to Jamie my Publix bag boy yesterday;) and that was my best year couponing. So I really don't think your company is hurting all that much. I mean in the great metropolis of Tallahassee there is a dad gum Publix on every corner. I don't think these uncertain economic times are really affecting you all that much.


Anyway, even with the new coupon policy I didn't do to shabby yesterday on my first Publix trip since giving birth a month a go. That being said I did make some rookie mistakes that cost me some savings: 1. I did not print the circular before going, 2. I did not make my list until I got there, 3. I was unable to look for coupons on the items I was purchasing and print them before I left the house, 4. I did not have my coupons organized before getting to the store. As a result of all of these mistakes, I did not save as much as I could have, it took me forever, and there were different points in the store where I broke into a sweat and almost had an anxiety attack because I was having to force my ADHD self to focus. 


So how did I do? Well with all that I spent $118 and saved $129. It is always good when your savings are higher than what you spent. That is your goal. What did I buy? Well...
18 boxes of assorted varieties of Cheerios and Fruit Loops (I am not wasteful we will eat that before summer is up)
12 boxes of Betty Crocker Fruit Chews
2 Kid Shampoos
2 Body Washes
2 cans of biscuits
2 blocks of Cream Cheese
2 packages of Buitonni Ravioli
3 cans of Chef Boyardee Ravioli
2 Dijorno Pizzas w/cookies
4 cans of Campbells soup
1 Bicardi Mixer
1 Whisk Detergent
6 cans of Hormel Chicken
2 packs of Oscar Meyer Deli Ham
2 bottles of Coffee Mate
4 bags of Doritos
Bananas
Blueberries
Vidalia Onions
Granny Smith Apples
Corn on the Cobb


Not half bad! But it could have been sooooooo muuuuuccccchhhh better if it wasn't for that stupid, spawn of Satan Extreme Couponing show!

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Heaven Forbid if There is a Real Emergency






Picture it: Cairo...2011


I have just dropped my oldest off at dance (wow how nice it is when they are old enough to be dropped off!). The middle child and I are leaving and heading to our local dance shop to spend a small fortune to ready ourselves for our upcoming recital. I stop at the red light and wait. 


Finally, it turns green, but as I begin to push the gas pedal I notice a tiny puff of smoke come of the top of the transformer beside the red light. Needless to say, the red light went kaput. I proceeded forward by following the rule of four way stop, which any good driver learns about in driving class...or those of us who are not good drivers learn from almost wrecks or impending tickets!


Any who...I continue over the over pass that goes over the railroad tracks only to be met on the other side by another non working red light, but some of these drivers have obviously never taken driver's ed or gotten a ticket or almost gotten a wreck (although I see that happening in their future), because this red light was almost in pandemonium. By pandemonium, I clearly mean (seeing as we are in Cairo, GA) that there were four cars trying to figure out who should go and when. 


So after finally being getting through the stop light, I did what any good citizen and girl who loves drama would do: I dialed 911 to let them know about the power outage. Here is the conversation that followed:


Operator: Grady County 911
Me: Yes I wanted to report that the red lights on 5th street are not working

Operator: Red lights where?
Me: On fifth street
Operator: Where are you on fifth street
Me: I am at the over pass
Operator: Which over pass?
Me: (here is where I start worrying about our county's emergency system) The over pass on 5th 
****Let me interject at this point that there is only one, let me repeat, one over pass in all of Cairo.
Operator: Well...are you on east or west
Me: um....I don't know....I am on the over pass near the high school.
Operator: Which high school?
Me: (SERIOUSLY) Cairo High School (The only high school in Cairo!!!!!!!!)
Operator: Okay, we will dispatch someone
Me: Thank you

After leaving the store, I head home and come to where 5th street intersects with highway 84 (the major road in this small town), and there is still no one at the red lights! I do not blame the police...they probably couldn't figure out where they were being sent due to the lack of clear directions coming across the radio!

Now I am sorry if you are that 911 operator or if she is your sister or aunt or whoever but COME ON. What if I was injured? Or in a wreck? Or being robbed? Or on fire? Heaven forbid if there is a real emergency, because they will never be able to find me!!!

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Breast May Be Best, But Sanity is Better

So I am now in my 4th week of breast feeding, and it is going pretty well. We have had some difficulty. One, she was not gaining weight initially so I had to feed her every 2 hours for a few days. Which in non-mom terms means pretty much around the clock!


How you might ask? Well...let's say you start feeding at 8 a.m. You will feed for at least 45 minutes to an hour. Then an hour later, you start all over again! Which, to help my little one gain weight, was well worth the sacrifice of sleep and any time to myself as well as any feeling in my nipples!!


Second, it appeared I still did not satisfy her. Which is quite odd, because when I pump it results in enough milk to feed a small African nation. But who knows? I mean, I am not a breast milk connoisseur. Perhaps, my variety was not from a good year and is not quite quenching or filling enough. Perhaps it needs to ferment a little more. So we started giving her 2 ounces of formula after every feeding resulting in not only having to heal nipples but also having to put them in the dishwasher.

Third, those explosive breast milk poopies are now hurting my darling's bottom. This happened with my second child. It appears that my milk is somewhat acidic and seeing as breast fed babies have extremely liquid poops the liquid tends to eat at that precious, tender, and soft skinned booty. Seriously, her diaper rash went from nonexistent to bleeding. We have special cream and all (our pharmasist has super powers), but as long as I am breast feeding it is not going to get any better. This is why I stopped breast feeding my second child after a month and within 2 days her bottom was good again.

So I have made the decision to give up breast feeding. Now, I must admit that besides all of the reasons I have stated above the most important (and perhaps selfish) reason is that I just do not enjoy breast feeding. Yes, I know it is the best. It is better for her. And I know it is good for me...best diet ever seeing as I have lost over 25 pounds in 3 weeks. I know it is supposed to be all wonderful and all, but for me it is not.

I don't like being the only one to be able to feed her. I don't do good on little or no sleep (best thing I have done so far is let my husband take over the middle of the night feeding). I don't like the time it takes away from my other munchkins. At least, if I am doing a bottle someone else can do it and I can go read a book with the girls or help them with their homework. I don't like having to hide in a backroom or in the car when we are out while keeping a watch out for perverts in other cars. I  hate that I feel like a cow and that I can't get out of the shower with out getting milk every where. And I honestly don't feel all that comfortable doing it. I despise the let down feeling...it makes me feel....I don't know...weird!


I don't need to be bombarded with comments and e-mails about how wonderful it is and it gets better after the first couple of months! This is my third child, and I know how good breast milk is. I have a freaking education and I read like there is no tomorrow. I am even considered by some to be the utmost authority on all things pregnancy and baby. I have seen similar posts from people declaring that hate breastfeeding only to be harrassed by seemingly helpful mothers who are encouraging them not to give up and that it will get better and to do it for their baby.  One thing I know is that you can't be a good mother if you are losing your mind. So if you are from the La Leche League BACK OFF! There are just many geniuses out there that were formula fed as there are that were breast fed. And my oldest got breast milk longer than any of my kids and was the sickest of all for the first 5 years of her life!

So my conlusion is...where as I know that the breast is best, I also know that my sanity is better. Not just for me, but for my 3 girls and my husband (who had started to look at me with that "Oh My Gosh! When is it coming...When is she going to totally lose it?" look.

There I feel better now!

Monday, May 23, 2011

To Brag or Not to Brag: That is the question!

I was recently conflicted as a parent. What had happened was...


My oldest child got several awards at her end of the year program. She scored perfect on her first grade "End of the Year" math test. She had the highest A.R. points in all of first grade, and she got a trophy for making "All A" Honor Roll for the entire year. She was so excited! She came back to her seat with her smile shining brightly and showing her medals and trophy to her friends. 



Without a doubt I was bursting with pride, yet I found myself holding back. I didn't want anyone to think...I am not really sure what I was afraid of. Was it jealousy? Or people thinking we were bragging? I don't know.


I even caught myself telling her, as she turned to show off her prizes to her friends, not to brag. I mean I, personally, know what it is like not to get something when a friend does and to be upset. But she wasn't showing them her awards to make them feel bad, she was just happy and wanted to share the good news with her friends.


Even as we sat in the auditorium, I watched as parents around me uploaded pictures of their children and their awards to Facebook. When I got home that day and over the next few days, I watched as everyone I knew posted how proud they were of their children and their end or the year accomplishments, yet I held back. 


I wonder if it comes from being so competitive with even my closest friends in high school, or if it is because I have naturally found myself feeling jealous before and didn't want someone else to feel that, or maybe it was because I have, guiltily, felt disappointed when my child didn't get something that I know she really wanted. But most likely it was because I didn't want someone to think that I was bragging or boasting and for them to say something snide. 


Why? I don't know. I mean I do not think bad of anyone for posting great things about their children. In fact, I am happy for them, as friends should be for each other.We should be shouting it to the mountain top when our children do awesome things, and we should be thrilled that our friends' children are accomplishing amazing things. We should be spreading the news like wild fire. 


I mean think about...if the situation was reversed and someone's kid had gotten in a wreck, or arrested, or heaven forbid pregnant, that news would spread like wild fire. So I say it shouldn't be a question of whether  to brag or not to brag about the great things our kids accomplish. We should shout it to the mountain tops. We should celebrate with each other! And yes, we should brag!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Blissful Forgetfulness

Blissful Forgetfulness


Let me be clear: I love my newborn. She is precious and delicious. I would not trade this experience for the world no matter how hard it is in the beginning. 


That being said there are some important parts of having a newborn that I had blissfully forgotten. I say blissfully because I am pretty sure the first 6-8 weeks of having a newborn is not something that appeals to anyone. There are lots of things that I had forgotten so I thought I would make a list of some for all those who are thinking of becoming parents or are already on their way. 


1. You will never sleep again. I am not joking nor am I exaggerating. You are literally not going to sleep at least until he or she starts sleeping through the night, and who knows when that might be. There are times when my four year old doesn't sleep through the night. Even if he/she starts sleeping for stretches of 4 hours at a time this is really misleading. What it means is that you will feed her for 30-60 minutes of those four hours. Then you will spend 10-20 minutes praying that she will go back to sleep, and then you will spend 30-60 minutes trying to actually get back to sleep. Then you will be jerked awake by every little noise he or she makes afraid that they are waking again. So that 4 hour stretch really is only the equivalent of an hour and a half or so. 


2. You will become obsessed with pee and poop. You will keep track of every wet and messy diaper your child has. It will even become part of your daily conversation! "Bo and Hope might be getting back together on Days of Our Lives. Oh and my kid had 6 poopies today!" Why are we obsessed? It is the only thing that indicates that she is getting enough to eat. It will even become normal to discuss how the poopies look..."black as tar, yellow and seedy, slightly green..." Also, (note to self) beware of explosive poopies, especially when you are changing the diaper. You must move quickly!!


3. You will feel like a worse parent. I am not sure if this happens to everyone or if it is just me, but the first time I had a child I felt like a complete and utter failure. I was unsure about everything I did and did not trust myself or my judgement at all. I felt like I was horrible at this parenting thing. When I had my second child, I felt much more confident about the baby stuff but felt like I was a horrible parent to my other child. I was so tired and all she wanted was my attention and I had none to give her. I spent most of the time feeling guilty. 


4. You will feel like you are going completely insane. First of all you will cry a lot...for no reason at all. The water works could start at any point in time. During a commercial, when someone asks you what you want to eat, when your husband asks you a seemingly innocent question like, "do we have any coffee?" You might even feel insane because as your sweet baby continues to cry inconsolably even after being changed, fed, and rocked you think "what is this creature?!?!? And what does it want?!?!?" Have no fear! The best piece of advice I was ever given was from my husband's aunt when she walked into the room and I was crying uncontrollably along side my newborn . She looked at me sympathetically and made an AWESOME proclamation, "It is perfectly natural to want to punt your newborn out the window, as long as you don't do it!" What she gave to me that day was the permission to feel frustrated with this bundle that I was supposed to be all lovey dovey over without feeling guilty.


5. How unbelievably AMAZING this new creature is! I mean you made her or him. He or she came out of you. Just a few days ago they were kicking you from the inside and now she is in your arms. She knows your voice already and will love to cuddle into your neck, which is the sweetest feeling ever!


So yes you do blissfully forget how hard it is to have a newborn. You forget the first 6-8 weeks can sometimes be described as He#$. What you don't forget is how wonderful this new addition is and how amazing she will make your lives. This is the knowledge that will sustain you on those long nights of no sleep...that and caffine;)

Friday, April 8, 2011

Garden Yumminess...Not So Much

Garden Yumminess...Not So Much

The last time we grew a garden was the summer before my 2nd was born. I was actually pregnant but did not know it at the time. Well of course I didn't, otherwise I would not have enjoyed all of those Margaritas while cultivating the garden;)

We have been wanting to replant for a while but have not done it yet. So when do we decide to take on this huge, and I do mean huge, gardening project? Right now, while I am blooming 8 and half months pregnant!! Now, some of you are thinking, "Sounds like the perfect time to me...I mean now you don't have to help!" And while that is true, you must know me to understand my frustration. 

I am a control freak. I mean I get frustrated with my husband for allowing my children to put their pajamas back in their drawers because the cute little jammies never stay folded and end up wadded up behind the drawer making it impossible to close!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!! (That being said I don't want to get up off this couch and put them away:)

So now here we are planting this garden and I am unable to help do anything. I did help lay it out, kind of. I helped decide on what veggies we would be cultivating. I helped prepare the ground, kind of. That is if you count sitting in a chair, in the shade, sipping a fat cup full of water helping. I did hire out my two munchkins to pick the grass out of the dirt. 


But I feel so useless, sitting here while my poor hubby works his tail off. Now before you start feeling sorry for him, he does like it. But I do think he would like it a lot better if I was there sweating beside him. 

So where are we now? The ground has been tilled, cleaned out, tilled, and cleaned out again. We are preparing for The Planting, which of course I will be of little help for again seeing as it requires one to bend over and dig small holes and cover them up, and I seem to have something very large prohibiting the bending process. So once again I will gather said forces, small munchkin people, and send them out to work in the fields. Much like the days if yore and yesteryear before the child labor laws. 

I am quite certain the garden will yield much yumminess but as for right now....not so much!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Never Leaving

Never Leaving!!
I will admit that I am a lucky person! I have two beautiful daughters, a loving and attentive husband, and another small munchkin arriving soon. Everyday I count my blessings. 


We are also blessed with parents who have acquired a beach house at the most relaxing and beautiful beach that has ever existed, Grayton Beach. It is my favorite place to be, and if you have ever been there I am quite certain you would agree. No hotels. No condos. No spring breakers screaming, wetting their t-shirts, and cruising the strip. 


Now if only I could develop some way to stay here forever. What could I do??? Hmmm..... 


I could be a beach chair putter outer. You know the person who brings the ridiculously priced rental chairs out on the beach in the morning and picks them up in the afternoon. I am quite certain I could find lots of other things to do with my in between time!


I could become a beach photographer and charge yuppy families ridiculous amounts of money. I mean think about it: You only take pictures at sunset. You never have to worry about lighting. You never have to worry about costume changes because they always wear white. Then I could charge lots of money for the sitting fee and the prints. Mawahahaha. 


I could run a beach delivery service. No, I am not talking about delivering babies. I am talking about delivering beach things for the beach for poor yuppy beach families that have to drag their multitudes of beach paraphernalia down the board walk, through the sand, and down to the water. The same yuppy families we point and laugh at as we ride by in our beach truck as a storm is approaching and everyone is running from the beach. No, we are not cruel. We are just tired of them allowing their kids to come steal our kids' toys and then walking away and expecting us to watch their little yuppy spawns. 


Or better yet, I could win the lottery. Winning the lottery is the way to go I think. I mean then I don't have to be a slave to the yuppies, and I can hire a pedicurist to do my toes in new fun colors every day. I could hire a cabana boy to smear on my sunscreen and fan me. Or better yet, he could be the one who has to lather up my munchkins who refuse to sit still while I do it. 


Whatever way it happens, I am never leaving!! Sacrifices must be made. 

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Gnat Ninja




The Gnat Ninja


It all started last week on Wednesday. I was getting ready for school when I notice a small reddish brown fly flying around and lighting on the mirror. I just waved it off literally and metaphorically thinking the whole time, "Shoo fly don't bother me!"


vinegar flyIn retrospect, I should have shooed him to his death by using my hand to silence his short life. For the next day where there was once one there were now three. And by the weekend, there were a multitude of these pesky, tiny, six legged demons! Maybe that is why they appear red. See its demon eyes!


By Sunday our kitchen and bathrooms were swarming with them. I just waved them off and the girls ran away. My normally laid back husband, however, took on a new persona. He made every effort to kill them. Now this is not an easy feat. You see they don't land for very long and they are quite small (we are talking millimeters here). So spraying was really not possible unless you want to cover your whole house and everything in it with nasty, smelly, and, I hear, poisonous :) bug spray. 


So my dear, normally sweet, husband took on a new approach. He became...The Gnat Ninja!!!



He might not leap buildings in a single bound (difficult with 2 bum knees). He might not be faster than a speeding bullet (also difficult in old age). He is definitely not stronger than a locomotive (although he can lift his 8 month pregnant wife off the floor). But one thing he can do his trap a fly and bring it to meet its Maker. In this case, I am referring to its Syrupmaker since we are from Cairo, Ga "Home of the Syrupmakers".

Their numbers are beginning to dwindle. I have done some research and am scrubbing everything. We are  pouring bleach down the drains where they appear to lay their larvae. We are also quick to enter and exit in order to try to avoid allowing more of the troops to invade our house. Have no fear our children are fine even after being thrown out the door and down the steps ;) 

However, most of the credit for the elimination of our household's fly/gnat species must be given to my husband-The Gnat Ninja!! Hopefully now, with his help, our household will live long and prosper while these annoying pests rest in peace...or at least some where other than in our kitchen!!

Monday, March 21, 2011

At Our Wits End

There is no doubt that I was spoiled by my first child. Now, the first year was hard. She was never happy. I mean we even had to eat in shifts because she did not like to sit down. However, after that I must admit that she has been an easy going and enjoyable child for 99% of the time. 







My second has been the exact opposite. The first year was great and then she turned one and all hell broke lose. Everything came in extremes. She is extremely hyper or extremely happy or extremely loving or extremely mad. The worst, however, is when she is extremely sad. 


Now let me be clear this sadness is not due to some sort of manic depressive disorder. Nor is it due to some sudden loss of a binkie or beloved toy. There is actually no predicting what will bring on the tears. It could be that she doesn't want to go to bed or doesn't want to brush her teeth or is told no about something or sometimes there is absolutely no reason at all. 


For example, today we got home and I told the girls to go wash their hands while I made them a snack. The next thing I know she has flung herself on the floor of the hallway and the tears have begun to flow. Why you might ask or I might want to scream as I fall to my knees throwing my fists up in surrender? I don't know. Maybe she wasn't hungry. Maybe she liked grimy hands. Maybe she was tired and thought the floor would be a soft place to lie down and found it was not. 



Whatever the reason, the crying continued behind closed door (she chose to seclude herself in her room) until I went in 20 minutes later to offer a snack and for some reason it stopped. This is not always the case. We have tried everything! We have timed out, taken away things, rewarded her for good behavior, praised her, spanked her, tried hard to avoid all triggers like land mines laying in wait of destruction of the peace of our household. NOTHING WORKS! We have had 2 hour long crying fits! 


Today I even created a chart with her help. We chose all the things we wanted her to do without whining and crying. I even searched for over 30 minutes for pictures of the Disney Princesses sleeping, getting dressed, and even brushing their hair. She gets a smiley face every time she does something without whining or crying. However, at bedtime she lied about going to the bathroom and did not get a smiley face. Once again, all hell breaks lose. 


We tried everything to calm her down. We hugged her. We threatened her. We took things away. We pointed out that she could still get another smiley. Alas, nothing worked. Eventually, I lost it and started my hyperventilating hormonal crying, which seriously frightened my husband who is trying very hard to keep me from going into preterm labor. He took her outside to calm her down, which made her even louder, and we are still amazed that DFACS was not called as it sound like she was being seriously hurt even though no one was touching her. 


Now, in the calm after the storm, I have searched many sites about what to do. There are all of these suggestions about what to do to prevent tantrums. None of which are helpful to us seeing as we are already doing them all. There are all kinds of suggestions about what to do during a tantrum. None of which help us because we have tried them all to no avail! 


Now the real problem. Yes, she seems to be at her wits end, but now so are we! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!! This will be a really bad problem to still have in 8 weeks when we have crying baby to add to the mix. 

Saturday, March 19, 2011

What's in a Name?



What's in a Name
So I am 32 weeks pregnant!! Which is great, although I feel a little apprehensive because it was at 32 weeks when I went in to preterm labor with my second darling. We have the nursery ready and all of the 0-3 month clothes have been washed. Speaking of that why do you think that you can put clothes into a box completely clean and after a couple of years in the attic they come out stained? Its like there is some little, mischievous leprechaun up there peeing on everything:)We had to throw away so much! 


Anyway, we have the nursery ready. We have the clothes washed and put away. Last weekend, we bought anything we were lacking, like a Pack-n-Play because the last one met an unfortunate end after my 30 birthday party when someone..... tried to take it down quickly and then really "took it down" like a Bambi's mother on doe day! We have diapers and wipes. What we don't have is a name!


Naming is getting quite ridiculous. It becomes a Facebook epidemic every time I post something complete with multitudes of comments and suggestions that even seem to leak onto other people's walls. It was so funny to me how one time I went to comment on one of my dear friend's walls and found a whole discussion about this little girl's name. I am so lucky to have so many people who care:)


However, that does not solve the problem that the only name this kid has is Lady A. Yes, her name must start with an A. We have an Aubrey and an Addison and multitudes upon multitudes of monogrammed clothing. Anyone who knows us realizes that we are way too cheap, I mean thrifty;) to let those clothes go to waste. 


We have tried Adalyn, Abree, Alivia, Aniston, Archer, Ansley, Alli, Alaina, Alana, Amberly, Analeise...and countless others including Axel Rose;) However, we cannot agree on any. Every time we come close one of us, usually me, changes their mind.  


It is no surprise this is happening. It was very difficult to name our first 2. We actually found the name Aubrey in the boy's section of the name book, and it took forever to come up with Addison (and Brian still pouts about her being name for an adulterous ho on Grey's Anatomy;)'. 


I would like to blame it on Brian whose number one response to name suggestions is " H- No!", but I must admit I am just as picky. I mean "What's in a Name"?...EVERYTHING!! Alas, it looks like we might be in the hospital naming this kid unless we just decide to predetermine her future as a pop star or a duchess and leave her name as Lady A!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Our Awesome Trip to the Publix



Our Awesome Trip to the Publix

Before I begin to reveal the secrets of one of our most successful shopping trips ever, I must be honest. I did not do any couponing for it. My hubby did it all. He slaved and cut and printed and organized. I just split up the list. Hey, it was totally worth it! We spent a total of $110 and saved $145!!! Go ahead stand up and start the slow clap. It deserves it. However, you might want to wait, because when I tell you what all we bought you might want to start an encore.

First so that you can truly appreciate I will bestow upon you our list of items:
2 Stouffer's Family Style Entrees
1 box of Pampers Swaddlers
4 boxes of Nutrigrain Bar 
Pampers wipes
1 package of Pull-Ups
2 Pam Sprays
4 Marie Callendar Meals
3 gallons of milk
4 Juicy Juice bottles
4 Zephyrhills Water (12pk)
Bananas
Grapes
Blueberries
Pepsi Max
1 box of Huggies Supreme diapers
2 Gorton's Popcorn shrimp
Crab Meat
2 Planters Honey Roasted Peanuts
2 jars of Classico Alfredo sauce
1 32 oz Kraft Velveeta Cheese
1 box of Cosmic Brownies
2 boxes of Pepper and Oil Triscuits
2 Skintimate shave gel
2 bags of Doritos
2 pounds of Ground Beef
Squash 
Zucchini
Asparagus
2 packages Strawberries
2 dozen eggs
Rotisserie Chicken
All for $110!!!!

So here is what we do (or in this case what Brian did).
1. Visit Publix site or use Publix circular to make a list of what you need that is on sale. Focus on Buy One Get Ones (BOGO).
2. Look in coupon box for any coupons for items
3. Visit Southern Savers.com and look at their Publix list where they have all of the coupons there are for all of the items on sale. 
4. Print as many coupons as you can. Again, epecially for the BOGO's.
5. Make sure you visit the other store sites, like Food Lion, Harveys, Target, and Rite Aid for any of their coupons.
Helpful hints:
  •  If you have BOGO's and then you have a coupon for 1 item then print 2 coupons because you can use two. 
  • If you have a manufacturer coupon, you can also use competitor coupons for the same item.
  • Sometimes they only take a limited amount of competitor coupons, which is why we split up our list and shop in two different carts.
Here are some of our monumental savings for this week:
1. Zephryhill water- We bought 4-12 packs for absolutely free. How? They were BOGO at 2 for $3.79 which made them $1.90 each. Then we had a coupon for each for $1 off each 12 pack and then a Harvey's coupon for $ 2 off. 
2. The Huggies Box of diapers was originally $19.99. We had a $3 off Publix coupon, a $3 off Food Lion coupon, a $2.50 off Target coupon, and a $2.00 off Manufacturer coupon. So that was $19.99-$10.50=$9.49! (Important: They will sometimes only except one competitor coupon for an item, but sometimes, if you split them up, it will work).
3. Gorton's Popcorn shrimp were BOGO at $2.74 each. We had $1 off each and then $1 off 2. Plus we had another competitor coupon for $1 off each. So we got those for $.25 each. 
4. Pampers box was $19.99- $7 off Target-$2 off manufacturer

Plus, we got really lucky. A woman who was leaving handed us a $5 off $30 Publix coupon as she was leaving and we had $2 off Harveys coupon for fruit and vegetables. 

All in all our trip to the Publix was pretty AWESOME




Saturday, February 12, 2011

If Looks Could Kill

If Looks Could Kill
 Thursday morning was really not a pleasant time for me. Now, no, it was not a horrible day, and I know that it could have always been worse. However, I feel the need to share the intense unpleasantness. 




Thursday morning marked my OB appointment where my glucose was tested. Now anyone who has ever been pregnant is going, "YUCK". You know what I am talking about. This is where you have to drink that nastiness disguised as orange soda which tastes nothing like it and has an automatic reaction of gagging. Not only do you have to drink this disgusting mess, but you are not allowed to eat or drink anything after midnight the night before. MIDNIGHT!! That is hard for anyone, but it is especially hard for a pregnant woman and even harder for a pregnant woman who allows herself one cup of coffee each morning. 


Needless to say, I was not in the best mood when I arrived at my appointment at 9:00 in the A.M. As I sat waiting, not happy at all, a girl walked in with her mother. I say girl because she looked all of 16. I glanced up and had to look again to make sure she was actually pregnant. She had a little bump, kind of like the one I have all the time when I am not pregnant. Then she informs the front desk that she finished her glucose drink at 8:15. 



At this point I almost choke. Why you may ask? Well, you have to be between 25 and 28 week to do the glucose test, which means she was as far a long as I am. However, the difference was insane. I know, I know. Everyone is different but this mess is ridiculous!!!



Me!! (not really, but close. I am actually a bit bigger)


Her!!!! (not really, but this is pretty accurate















I now begin to sink into a little bit of depression. However, it is lightened when I get called back and get to talking with my super fabulous nurse and the BEST midwife in history! The bubble bursts though when super, skinny B---- comes back in to the small room to have her finger pricked. I ask her how far along she is. "25 weeks", she responds snottily (I guess the B---- was an accurate description). 

I look at my midwife and say (close to tears), "That is ridiculous! Look at her and look at me!" My midwife says, "Liz this is your third baby! You look great. You can't compare the two!" I feel a little bit better until the super young, skinny b---- opens her mouth and says (totally lacking in any tack whatsoever), "It's my third baby, too."

My midwife and nurse later told me that if looks could kill that little heifer would have bee dead on the spot. Seriously, have some compassion!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Teachers Are Not the Only Ones Who Need to Be Evaluated!

As a Georgia teacher or any teacher for that matter, I give Dick Yarbrough a big HELL YEAH! After this recent column that he wrote. Even if you are not a teacher and no matter what your political persuasion, I am not sure you can argue with this. 
HOW CAN YOU EVALUATE TEACHERS AND NOT EVALUATE SOCIETY?
Oh great. Now, the Obama administration is getting involved in public education in Georgia. That’s all we need. The deft touch of an inept federal government.

Outgoing Gov. George E. Perdue (please tell me he has left the building) agreed to participate in the $400 million Obama Race to the Top program. Our new governor, Nathan Deal, has inherited the thing and turned it over to Erin Hames, his deputy chief of staff.

The program will include a new evaluation system of teachers. For subjects where students take standardized tests, 50 percent of a teacher’s performance will be based on the test scores.

Fair enough. I was assessed my entire corporate career and judged on the quality of my management. However, if employees didn’t show up for work or were habitually late or refused to do what I asked them to, I could get rid of them.

Try that in the classroom.

Said Ms. Hames, “We strongly believe that the most important thing in a student’s education is the quality of the teacher in the classroom. The heart of education improvement in Georgia has to be focused on the classroom and classroom teachers.”

Maybe Ms. Hames can tell me what happens if a child transfers to a school in the 32nd week of a 36-week school year and didn’t learn squat at his or her old school and flunks. Is the teacher at the new school going to be held accountable for the results?

What about a student who just had a miscarriage and is at school only because a judge ordered her to be there? Or, the child who slept in an abandoned car because he was too embarrassed to tell anyone he couldn’t live at home anymore? Or, the kid who was given a “social promotion” even though he didn’t deserve it? Could Ms. Hames or any member of our esteemed General Assembly motivate these children to learn without losing precious time trying to teach the other students in class? Tell me how classroom quality will be measured when teachers can’t get parents to return their telephone calls or show up for scheduled conferences because they “forgot”? How, Ms. Hames, do we handle these piddling details?

Is there any way we can evaluate society while we are evaluating teachers? One of the finest advocates for public education was John L. Clendenin, retired CEO of the now-no-more BellSouth Corporation, who established a foundation devoted to the subject. Clendenin recognized that public schools are a microcosm of society. Poverty, apathy, drugs, abuse and hunger don’t linger outside the door. They come into the classroom with the student. As Mr. Clendenin used to say, “You can’t teach geometry to a hungry child.”

Call me cynical, but I doubt Barack Obama, George E. Perdue, Nathan Deal, Erin Hames or members of the esteemed Georgia Legislature have taken that into consideration. That just muddies up simple solutions to a complex problem.

House Majority Whip Ed Lindsey (R-Fulton County) took a trip to Colorado recently with Rep. Alisha Thomas Morgan (D-Cobb County) to examine a newly passed bill there on teacher evaluations. No word on whether they first surveyed any classroom teachers around the state and got their input. If so, how many?
I’m not sure Lindsey and Morgan are two of the higher and better sources on the subject of public education. Lindsey is a lawyer in Atlanta who, after he announced the necessity for teacher furloughs in the last session, was seen later that week in the local newspaper sipping wine in his tuxedo at a hoity-toity party in tony Buckhead in one of the classic cases of “Let ’em eat cake.”

Morgan? Her claim to fame is refusing to leave the well of the House after her allotted time ran out during a debate on the Voter ID bill, and her decision to instead begin singing, “Ain’t Nobody Gonna Turn Me Around.” Lady Gaga she is not.

Who better to evaluate the effectiveness of public school teachers than a silk stocking lawyer and a legislator who sings when she can’t make her point otherwise?

Teachers, I wish I had better news for you, but you are facing an education bureaucracy with more layers than a Vidalia onion, more second-guessers than a losing football coach and more shallow thinking than a party at the Playboy Mansion.

Remember that in spite of all of this, you change young lives for the better. That is more than I can say for your critics. Hang in there

Sunday, January 30, 2011

The Clothing Wars Begin

      

   The Clothing Wars Begin
     I remember fighting with my sister about clothes from the time she finally hit middle school and I could fit into her clothes and, likewise, she could fit into mine. This was the starting point for epic wars in our household. I am not sure we ever fought about anything, as much as we fought about clothes. If only we had worked out and abided by some sort of treaty, i.e. asking before you wear or you can wear everything except for this section. Then I think our whole family could have been spared the destruction that followed after someone was discovered wearing another someone's favorite shirt. 
       I mean think of the benefits for all, including the money strapped parents, when you had not one wardrobe to choose from but two or further down the road in our house 3 wardrobes (unless this munchkin comes out with something swinging between its legs;)
      Because I was blessed with a sister, and I do consider it a blessing now because there is nothing like the relationship that I have with her, I understand the clothing wars. I just thought we had a little more time before they were declared in our household. I mean really who ever heard of a 3 year old and 6 year old fighting over clothes. You don't even wear the same size people!!!
      So this morning when my youngest brought in a sweater that was accidentally hung in the wrong closet by my dear sweet hubby who does all the laundry I drew from my past experience and sensed a storm brewing. She wanted to know why she didn't have a "boootifull" sweater like that. We told her that she would one day and to please go hang it in her sisters closet. And so the drama ensued...
      She stomped her cute little self down the hallway and was quiet for sometime, which as any good mother knows is not always a good thing. Soon we began to hear some sort of singing coming from the back. At first, it wasn't loud enough or significant enough for us to pay attention to. But as it went on, we realized, with a laugh, that it wasn't singing but chanting. Chanting that was coming from inside the oldest munchkin's closet. Chanting of the same line over and over again. The line that we did not think we would hear for at least another 10 years:
                    Aubeee's got more bootiful clothes.
                    Aubeee's got more bootiful clothes.
                    Aubeee's got more bootiful clothes.
And so the clothing wars begin at the Hill house!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Dirty, Dirty Mind



Dirty, Dirty Mind


Okay, I am the first to admit that my mind can quickly tumble into that dirty, dirty gutter. If you know me, I can hear you saying "Nooooo!" with that sarcastic tone. But have no fear, if someone says something that could remotely be taken with a dirty innuendo I am totally going to get it and probably be snickering in the corner. I can't help it. It is a gift, if you will. I know it is immature. I know it is silly. I know it is juvenile, but I don't care. I would rather have a dirty mind and find the humor in life than be a mean, old, humorless bitty!
So begins story time at our house tonight. The title of the book my 6 year old is reading to the family is "The Owl and The Pussy Cat". As she reads it, I smile slightly and notice that my husband perks up from behind his computer. Then she, and her sweet innocence, asks if we know what a pussy cat is. My husband pipes in, "I sure do!" And I quickly cover with, "A kitty cat." 


And so the story commences. I must admit, I did not listen to most of it. Though every so often I would hear "Pussy-cat" and would see my husband's mouth turn up. (I know! We are horrible!) 


The next thing I know she turns the page and begins reading:


  The Owl looked up to the stars above,

    And sang to a small guitar,
'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
      What a beautiful Pussy you are,
          You are,
          You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!'

Now you know that however offensive you find this particular blog, you are now giggling right along with us. You know you couldn't help it. I mean seriously who writes these things. I know good and well there was offensive language back in the day. Maybe not that particular word but still. I'm just sayin'.

Needless to say, we were unable to contain ourselves and had a great laugh all the whilst trying to cover by acting like we were laughing at how cute she was  singing the song! I know, I know! I have a dirty. dirty mind. But you know what they say, the couple that laughs together, stays together. At least I think they say something like that;)

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Pure Stupidity

Pure Stupidity

So our night has been interrupted by the playoffs. I don't know why I am surprised. Our nights, days, and lives, for that matter, have been interrupted by football since July. It is our livelihood after all (I am married to a football coach). However, upon proper reflection, I have decided that there are some things about football, the sport that I love the most, that are purely stupid. 


First of all, it is ridiculous how much professional football players make. I realize they are providing entertainment for millions of people but does that indicate the need to pay them millions upon millions? I agree that there are a lot of overpaid people and professions in this world. People who do a whole lot less than just entertain, but the fact remains that they are being paid to play a game. A GAME!!! I am educating the future of our country and will not make half of what they make in a year in my lifetime. Certainly there is something better that all of this money can go to. Wouldn't it be amazing to see them donate half of their salary to something worthy. I mean Peyton Manning, who is not the highest paid, takes home an average of 14.2 million dollars a year. Certainly, he could live on 7.1 million for one year. Imagine what that money could do for education or the homeless or the hungry or the Freaking Hill Family;)


The major thing that really causes me to question the intelligence of those involved with the sport is the fact that it is presently 13 degrees in Pittsburgh with a wind chill factor of 4 degrees and no one, I repeat NO ONE,  on the whole entire field has on sleeves. Are you kidding me? I get it ! You are a man! You are tough! I also get that you are STUPID! I mean I know that moving around warms up your body, but ain't nobody out there moving around enough to warm up FOUR DEGREES! And I seriously doubt that they have those handy dandy toe and hand warmers on. That would at least keep some;) of their extremities from contracting frost bite and falling off. My husband did inform me that some coaches don't allow their players to wear sleeves. SERIOUSLY?!?!?! Well I hope they are enjoying themselves in their super warm down coat with their thick gloves and lovely long underwear while their overpaid players freeze to death. 


Oh I get it! That is why they are paid so much. They have to make up for all of the fingers and toes they might lose while playing in these types of games. Not to mention, all of the concussions and blown out knees. Either way I think there are parts of football that equal PURE STUPIDITY!